Posted by Combat 2 years ago Report

This was quite the enjoyable read. Well done.

Posted by Briarheart 2 years ago Report

Thank you - appreciate the feedback. I wasn't sure if it made Luisa too naive or whether her obvious ignorance made the plot more entertaining.

Posted by Plgc 2 years ago Report

Really fucking hot holy shit

Posted by TW 2 years ago Report

Well done. Very enjoyable.

Posted by Randomdude5 1 year ago Report

I gave some longer feedback posts on another artist's work, and I think they enjoyed it, so I decided to go back and look for some more stories to try giving a longer feedback post.

I like how you set up the story with Luisa waiting for a text from Marco. It sets up her frustration with him, and the stakes of her not finding a guy. The spam text from the nightclub has convenient timing, but in her emotional state, something like that could convince her to give it a try. The little detail where she had spent time doing things while nude helps make her decision to go to the nightclub a smaller step. You did a good job at the little details of her getting ready to go to the club. You even thought of having her put her money, and ID into her shoe.
The doorman's explanation works for having her misunderstand it. In your setting vore is common, but I didn't notice the nightclub didn't explicitly saying it.
Angel is forward by grouping Luisa's ass, but that makes some sense in a nude nightclub where people are there for sex and vore. I like how even tho he wants to eat her, he still gives her the option to back out, when he finds out that she didn't know it was a vore club. I find it interesting how you focus on how people come to the club to die. It adds a casual suicide part to the vore. The way you have Angel talk Luisa into being eaten, and how she enjoys the way Angel desires her body is really good. I also like the other option that Angel gives her to be his girlfriend, even tho she has a red wristband on.
The swallowing scene was good too. Even tho having Marco watch isn't a kink of mine, it fit with the story. I like the conversation between Angel and Luisa post vore. She is enjoying herself but admits that she could have been his girlfriend. Personally, I think her digestion was too short, and Angel should have swallowed air for her, but that is my preference, not a plot issue.

Anyways, I hope this ramble isn't pointless, and you enjoy it. If you want, and I can find the focus, I could try writing more feedback like this on other stories you have posted.

Posted by Briarheart 1 year ago Report

Thanks for the feedback. I've not felt motivated to write something new for a while now but it's good to see people giving some detailed thoughts. Feel free to give your impressions of my other stories as I really appreciate the info.