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An overconfident adventurer thinks with her wallet rather than her head. Leads to an unfortunate situation for her, but a very fortunate situation for all of us!
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Drawn by our wonderful Karbo!
https://aryion.com/g4/user/Karbo
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Posted by RogueKnight 2 years ago Report
I've been a bit busy, but I've finally gotten around to checking out your other work. If memory serves, most of the feedback I gave in your previous work should still apply. I would point out a curious set of errors on this one. Mainly, for most of the first half, you refer to Nila as N i la. This curious separation then happens to other words in different orders but stops at the last couple of paragraphs. Its difficult to tell, but this may just be you getting used to whatever typing program your using, or maybe just haven't gotten the hang of typing.
Nothing to comment on as far as story structure it looks like. Most of your areas for needed improvement are in the prose. Keep at it and these naturally iron out, especially if your consciously aware of certain habits.
Posted by IceCreamBreak 2 years ago Report
Heya! Thanks for checking me out again! Yeah I'm not entirely sure what happened with Nila's name. It's written perfectly fine in the original document. Prose is something I'm working on going forwards too. Thanks for the advice!