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A Fairy is making her way through a magical forest, trying to help her village. She may not succeed in saving her village, but she does save a Wolf Girl from the suffering of Starvation!
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for all the support on my last two stories. I've decided that this is going to be a hobby for a little while. I might open commissions soon, so check out my pricing if you are interested!
Here is my first story set in a little universe I am hashing out the details for. Now if this story doesn't suit your taste, stay tuned! This is only one possible fate for Anita.
Also wanted to try a new upload format. I noticed word had a small problem with direct exports so trying a PDF instead.
Character References
Anita: https://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6593947&tags=tuoni
Kahosha: https://twitter.com/kaedes/status/1584545475922780160
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Posted by RogueKnight 2 years ago Report
Wow. You've shown remarkable improvement since you've first started. Even though I'm not really into the torture kind of categories you write about, the prose has gotten much better. The spacing has improved and there are fewer grammatical errors to distract the pacing of the story.
I don't know what causes it, but there is still the occasional weird space in the middle of words: like t his. Also, if you use third person omniscient, I recommend saving perspective changes between paragraphs. I used to have that style as well and people have called out on that habit I had. In practice, altering it would look kinda like this:
"You really mean it?" Gabe was washed with relief at the giantess's words. He'd all but given up hope before now.
"Of course." Hannah lied. She had no intention of letting her tasty snack go. Just imagining seeing that hopeful expression turn to despair made her hornier. And hungrier.
And one more thing, beware of the habit of repetitive starts to sentences. She did this. She then did this other thing. She did the thing but better. And so forth. It's an easy bad habit to succumb to, but being aware of it is the first step to working on it. I like to practice the discipline of trying not to have the same word three times in one paragraph. At the very least, have a different word start occasionally so that its not the same word four times consecutively.
Overall, great job! Keep improving like this and I bet you'll be a natural in no time!
Posted by IceCreamBreak 2 years ago Report
Thanks for the compliments! I'm glad to hear I'm improving! I'm doing my best to change up my word choice. Gonna work on varying up sentence structure and make sure I'm not repeating actions.
I like 3rd person omniscient, but honestly didn't put it to too great of a use here. Doing a more limited perspective next time, hopefully its an improvement! I'm getting more and more writing advice, and actually understanding what goes into making a good story.
Thank you so much for your continued advice! I'll try to put it to good use.
Posted by lupis95 2 years ago Report
Wow, this was a bit darker than I was expecting but still good!
I agree with the Fairy's final decision, sometimes giving up is less painful.
Posted by tigercloud 2 years ago Report
Wow thats a very good and detailed story, I especially love how detailed the digestion is and how her stomach contracts to the burp (and in general crushes the prey around!)