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CollegeHumor Cuisine
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“This is you.”
 
A rather lithe girl with black hair and green eyes (Emily Axford) smiles and waves at the camera.
 
“These are your coworkers.”
 
An assortment of women, ranging in size, shape and color wave to the camera, some licking their lips in hunger as they do so.
 
Emily returns the wave, a nervous look present on her face as she does so.
 
“And these are the thirteen coworkers you will meet whilst working in an office.”
 
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Chapter 1: The Comedian (Christine Medrano)
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“You learned back in high school it’s best to make friends with those that you work with, just in case they might show up to work one day and start their serial killing spree on you in particular. Sometimes, though…”
 
“Hey, do you think you could help me out with a little thomething?”, a familiar voice said in an all too familiar lisp.
 
“The people you make friends don’t seem like much trouble to get along with at all.”
 
Emily’s eyes lingered briefly on the wide hips, hanging gut and the copious amount of cleavage present in the Latina standing before her before shaking her head free of those perverse thoughts and bringing herself back to the conversation at hand.
 
“Yeah, sure.”, she replied.
“What is it?”
 
“Tho I had thome joketh I wanted to do for my thand-up routine, right?”, Christine explained.
“You think you could thtop by the thtudio later tho I could run ‘em by you? Thee which oneth work a bit better, fitting them into a tight five, y’know?”
 
“Sure!”, Emily replied.
“Was that gonna be later today?”
 
“Yeth! At the Laughing Fit downtown.”, Christine said back.
“Thix P.M. tonight. Thee you there?”
 
Emily gave her friend another smile; what could possibly go wrong?
 
“Wouldn’t miss it!”, she said.
 
“Sometimes, though, you can be wrong on how much of a bad time you can have with your friends.”
 
Cut to a few hours later and Emily was slouched back in her chair as she lazily watched Christine on stage, her eyes only jolting back awake whenever her friend’s distended stomach wobbled from side-to-side as she stood and threatened to send her crashing to the ground mid-joke.
 
She’d spent the past few hours doing tricks at her local skatepark to help take her mind off of performing in front of her friend later in the day, and as per usual, a couple rotten teenagers decided to poke fun of her while she was there, so she made quick work of them the only way she knew how (forcefully sending them into the dark recesses of her gut.)
 
Unfortunately for her though, the process of melting down a handful of people into slop combined with standing in front of some incredibly bright stage lights while performing for a friend was making Christine exceedingly hot under the collar (both literally and metaphorically), so the diminutive pred girl did the best she could with what material she had.
 
Not that this material was all that good in the first place.
 
“And tho there I wath like, jutht minding my own buthineth, when thith HUGE dude just walked up to me and wath all like, “Hey! You thwallowed my girlfriend!”, Christine said in a mocking tone.
“And I wath jutht like, “Um, have you THEEN what I eat, dude? I’m sure I’ve eaten plenty of guy’th girlfriendth; you’re gonna have to be a lot more thpethific.”
 
Emily mustered a weary chuckle at Christine’s joke as she sat in place, the growling her own stomach was letting out from a lack of dinner getting drowned out completely by the sounds of bones being crunched and intestines being pumped full of skater punk emitting from her friend’s insides at the moment.
 
“Still, spending time with your coworkers outside of work allows you to really get to know them better as a person.”
 
As hard as Emily was trying to stay conscious enough to respond to her friend's jokes, there was only so much rejected stand-up one could take for several hours on end.
 
At least the view of Christine up on the stage was making up for it, her sweaty breasts jiggling underneath her loose-fitting t-shirt while her jean shorts had thread after thread break free from their grasp around the Latina's steadily thickening thighs.
 
The monotony-induced trance that she'd found herself in was shattered like a rock through glass, however, once Christine let a crude-
 
*BUORP*
 
-burst out of her mouth and directly into the microphone.
 
“Whew! Almost blew out my eardrum with that one.”, the pred said with a comical dig of her finger in her ear.
“Betcha I did a lot worth to thethe guyth, though.”
 
She wouldn't have thought it before, but the hearty slap that Christine gave to her belly (causing it to shrink slightly as she did so) instilled Emily with a strange yearning to DO something to the unaware glutton before her.
 
Not the same yearning to kill somebody via some painful digestion that most predators got.
 
This one was more... sexual.
 
“I said as a person.”
 
Emily licked her lips.
 
“Not as a gassy, sweaty, gluttonous girl churner that had just spent the last few hours making her body into a furnace to break down a few- You’re not really listening to me, are you?”
 
All it took was a visible surge of growth from Christine’s breasts for Emily’s BRAIN to finally have the same sense of forward momentum, leaping out of her chair and flying into the arms of her potential killer, wrapping her arms around the swollen stomach of the comedian who simply stood in disbelief at her friend's sudden advance.
 
“Of course. Well, don’t say I didn’t try stopping this.”
 
“Uh… dude?”, asked Christine.
“Are you okay?”
 
Emily failed to respond as, with her ear pressed up against her friend’s gut, a stray hand of her’s reached up to cup Christine’s breast and squeezed, burning hot breast milk pooling against her palm and running down her arm as she did so.
 
“Hey!”, Christine yelled as she ripped Emily’s hand off of her chest.
“I’m not a freaking plush toy, dude. Only my girlfriend getth to grab my boobth like that.”
 
As much as she tried making light of the situation, she knew damn well her words were going in one ear and out the other the moment Emily's hand reached around her fat yet tiny frame and came back down upon her ass with an audible-
 
*SMACK*
 
-the feeling of sweat bleeding through her jean shorts as Emily opted for an extra squeeze distracting her enough that she hadn't even noticed Emily's next step until it had already begun.
 
Yes, so enraptured she was by the tantalizingly hot feeling of her friend's body pressed against hers, the soon-to-be prey girl extended her tongue and dragged it across the front of Christine's stomach, gulping down the solid mouthful of sweat she'd just carved off of the stomach's surface before steadily moving from front to back, tasting as much of Christine's curvy body as she did so before finally reaching the cherry-on-top that doubled as quite the cake itself: the butt.
 
A little bit of every man, woman and teenager the comedian had eaten in life had wound up fattening that big but not ridiculous wobble wagon, so Emily wasted little time in unwrapping her big finish, reaching her hand into Christine’s jean shorts and pulling them down to reveal those blubbery buns in all their caramel brown, IMMENSELY sweaty glory.
 
“Okay…”, Christine said with a shrug as she tried and failed to passively lift her shorts up and out of Emily’s hands.
“Well, now you’re jutht athking for it…”
 
Even in her moment of self-serving desire, kissing and licking every inch of Christine’s butt cheeks, the distinct sound of churning reached Emily’s ears.
 
One that seemed a lot closer than it should be considering Christine’s stomach was on the other side of her.
 
Before she could think long about it though, a prey-fueled fart barreled its way out of Christine’s ass directly into Emily’s face, knocking her to the ground and overwhelming her senses with the horrid smell of the broiling flesh and Axe body spray lining the pred's intestines at the moment.
 
“Oh, NOW you come out of it.”, exclaimed Christine in a disappointed tone.
“You know, I’m not usually one to eat a co-worker, but you’re REALLY making me rethink
 
“Uh… Christine, wait!”, Emily said with a couple more coughs as she tried repositioning herself.
“It… It wasn’t what it looks like!”
 
“Oh really?”, replied the pred, her arms crossed over her meaty chest in disapproval.
 
“Yeah!”, Emily nodded.
“I was just, uh…”
 
An awkward stillness filled the studio as Emily thought, the occasional beads of sweat dripping off of Christine’s body and onto the floor the only things breaking the silence save for the churning of her gluttonous insides.
 
“Well?”, Christine interrupted as she held her flabby gut in her hands and gently shook it in front of Emily.
“We’re waiting.”
 
“Just uh…”, Emily hummed, racking her brain with ideas before a lightbulb went off in her head.
“Just washing you off!”
 
“Uh huh.”, Christine said in disbelief.
“Doth thith “washing off” involve licking my ath or wath that jutht a little bonuth you wanted to throw in?”
 
“Uh…”, she hummed before a sweaty palm rested upon her shoulder.
 
She looked up, the fat gut of an angry predator the only thing looking back at her before Christine leaned down to bid her farewell.
 
“That’th what I thought.”, she said before placing her left hand atop Emily’s other shoulder and going in for the kill, opening her mouth and shoving her friend’s face into the back of her throat.
 
“Gee, I wonder who could’ve seen this coming.”
 
The journey towards her friend’s stomach was as nightmare-inducing as one could imagine, the only light illuminating the red, fleshy walls around her (leaking in between Christine's teeth) quickly fading away the moment her shoulders became squeezed in beside her.
 
“Christine?”, Emily yelled as she felt her entire body getting shifted closer towards her potential killer.
“Christine?!"
 
Offering little counsel to her friend (mostly because she WAS genuinely starving at the moment), Christine lifted her meal’s body up in the air and let gravity do most of the work as Emily struggled her way towards the gluttonous girl’s gut.
 
By the time a screaming face was pressed against the inside of her stomach, the fat worshipper’s fate was sealed, a resounding-
 
*BEUURRRP*
 
-rattling Christine’s throat as Emily’s legs finally joined the rest of her on that graveyard the stand-up comic had for a gut.
 
“Whew! Man, you are FILLING.”, said the pred with an affirmative pat of her stomach.
“Did you put on weight rethently? I could thwear, thomebody wath thaying you’d make an eathy thnack the other day becauthe you don’t weigh a whole lot, but I gueth that THICK thkull of yourth mutht be thinking like a thtone in there."
 
Emily only screamed in response, the acids of Christine’s stomach combined with all of the indigestible skating gear still floating about beside her making the experience of brutally melting from painful into literal Hell on Earth.
 
“Jutht try not to thtick around too much by the time I go on thtage tonight.”, the Latina said as she packed up her things.
“Latht thing I need ith for my shortth to rip on thtage and have people catch it on camera AGAIN.”
 
"Well, regardless of how you may treat your comedian co-workers, whether they be insatiable gluttons or bubbling soup INSIDE of insatiable gluttons..."
 
It didn't long after ingestion for Emily to finally meet her maker and keel over dead, her body breaking down into a few gallons of bubbling chyme littered with the bones of both herself and the teens Christien had eaten hours beforehand in the span of only a couple hours.
 
Luckily for Christine though, most of the fat she'd acquired from her former friend rested squarely on the gut that had ended said friend's life, so she just slipped on the clothes she’d planned on wearing regardless and just hoped for the best.
 
“Excuthe the outfit.”, she said to her audience with a distinct jiggle of the melon-sized breasts peeking out from under her t-shirt.
“Had to show a friend of mine it wath rude to thtare today; gueth it’th kinda funny she ended up giving me more thingth for people to thtare at, right?”
 
As if being digested by a clownish coworker wasn't insulting enough, the laughs that came from the audience that came from said coworker mentioning her death would've insulted Emily GREATLY if she could hear it.
 
Her spirit must've been rolling over in the sewers she'd been flushed down right now.
 
“Ought to thtart charging rent one of thethe dayth, but I gueth that’th what thtealing their credit cardth are for, right? They’re not gonna uthe them! Or at leatht I hope they’re not.”, Christine said in thought.
“Imagine if your FOOD could jutht order more food to get melted where they did. Like, your tacoth are jutht like, "Hey... I know we were tathty and all, but uh... that delivery girl looked pretty good, right?"
 
The mild laughs emitting from the audience were interrupted by Christine herself in the form of a piggish-
 
*BUUOOORRRRP*
 
-directly into the microphone, sending both spittle and Emily's hole-ridden underwear out of her mouth and directly onto the floor in front of her.
 
"They'll always be sure to get the last laugh."
 
“Great timing, huh?”, said the comedian with one last flash of the fabric to the audience before tossing it to the side.
 
Just like she expected, the confirmed kill she'd just shown off got the biggest applause of the audience that night.
 
Guess Emily was good for her act after all.