Posted by SmaxTheDestroyer 10 months ago Report

Loved seeing Nora in Goodwitch’s tummy~ Hope to see more JNPR moments~

Posted by TheCyberEmpire 10 months ago Report

Will you be showing more of Glynda in the future? Because I would love to see the Blonde Headmistress swallowing one of her students, and the scene with her and Yang is fun to read! :D

One question: If Glynda were to appear in a future chapter and ate more then 1 person, would she be gassy? >W< It's rare to find Glynda stories with said woman belching with her stomach gurgling loudly, even more so with art.

Posted by Goldendevil21 10 months ago Report

Oh man, I really wish I got this chapter and was allowed to edit it. Now, the outline for all the story beats is great. Love how Yang is feeling down with her team’s morale in the gutter and Goodwitch coming over to consult her with Nora in her belly. Then later have Weiss and Blake get over their trust problems. These beats were needed to give the previous chapters events any weight that that book seller dyingdid have an effect on the girls. The problem is this story has great broad strokes in the story department but not so good on the details. There were a few curious grammar problems scattered throughout the chapter that a beta reader could have been used for.

Another reason I find the story as a bit of a rough draft is the story spends a lot of time telling us the audience what the characters are feeling. This is great for a rough draft but not so good in the finished story. Hearing lines like; Blake was similarly in deep thought, but she was able to handle and manage it better. She was mostly focused on the fact that the White Fang had managed to infiltrate the city; This is not that exciting. Maybe if the girls were involved in a conversation where Blake would steer the conversation to the White Fang or have Yang mention how she saw Blake doing research in the library on the White Fang. These feel much more natural to have Yang comment on Blake’s focus on the White Fang rather than the story telling use that Blake is keeping things together though also focused on the White Fang. The chapter is full of similar examples.

The vore itself is all great. Love the part Glynda walks as if not being weighed down by a giant belly or Nora being denied pancakes. Or Weiss struggling over Blake’s Bellabooty. Just feel like for the Glynda one, would have liked to see some handprints poke out of the belly as Yang was talking to Goodwitch. Maybe Nora getting a bit of revenge by jostling her preds breasts inside her. Or how when Blake is inside Weiss, she talks like a robot reading from a book rather than feeling a bit more aroused. How she casually talks about vore and how to get better at it but without any spice to make the scene more enjoyable.

Posted by CommodoreNeil 10 months ago Report

Heyyyy you commented again!

Admittedly I hit a bit of a block with this one. Not because I didn't know what to do, but because I had other things on my mind that this one was just kinda hovering about as I was writing it. So it's definitely one of my rougher ones overall. Apologies.

My subtle favorite highlight for this one is how Glynda is able to carry around a large belly with like, zero effort. Without telekinesis as an assist.

Really shows the experience gap.

Posted by ItsJD 8 months ago Report

Having the trust exercuse also be an explanation on aura protection work with the belly was well done. It didn't feel like an info dump to me.
Felt like a natural conversation.

Posted by doomed 4 months ago Report

I’m glad you kept ruby’s overly sensitive gloomy bipolar nature . It’s one of her defining traits , when she experiences any sort of loss it hits her like a truck and she becomes a gloomy emo kid