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A peckish sea creature finds a strange fisherman trying to fish in 'her' town's waters. Slightly incensed- but mostly just hungry- she drags the foreigner underwater and turns the fisherman into fish (well, squid) food.
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Posted by Jacquelope 14 years ago Report
All that was missing was a radio playing a Hall & Oates song. :D
Posted by sansuki 14 years ago Report
She's a maaaaneater...
Posted by Nerva 14 years ago Report
While F/M and squidgirls really aren't my preference, I have to admit that the predator-centric viewpoint was absolutely refreshing and the writing was delicious.
One recommendation I'd like to make; one two occasions she mentions how much she loves the feeling of conquering a 'master' or 'ruler' of the air-breathers' world.
"I love this feeling too, of having conquered one of the air-breathing world's masters..."
"I do so love the feeling of power I have whenever a 'mighty' ruler of the airbreathers' world..."
In the interest of broadening her choice of terms for surface-folk, perhaps one of those two lines can be changed slightly, for variety?
Admittedly, it's a very minor thing, and only a suggestion. Consider, take, or discard as you see fit.
Posted by sansuki 14 years ago Report
And the dread "formatting doesn't work in comments" issue crops up once more XD
Repetition of words is something that's always kind of a sore issue. I try not to repeat things too much- just look at how much effort I spent to try not to say 'tentacles' every other sentence- but at the same time not only do you have to avoid looking like you're thesaurus diving but you also have to remember that sometimes repetition is good for emphasis. Here, repeating referring to humans as masters or rulers of their own domain, there's a reframing of the power dynamic I love in vore of dominant/submissive, and also introduces just a little bit of envy; The unnamed narrator can't go up there to the airbreathers world, but when the people who are free to come down she immediately drags them as far from it as possible and then asserts her dominance... whichever way she's in the mood for.
And yes, that's a bucket of subtext to take from a short, light story. XD
Posted by Nerva 14 years ago Report
I hate when I have to write anything in a text box that doesn't have a preview button. I swear it looked fine when I was typing it up!
*swears at the lack of BBCode formatting*
Posted by 4ofSwords 14 years ago Report
Excellent! I enjoyed how you deal with the phyiscal oddities of a caecilia by acknowledging them and moving on.
Posted by sansuki 14 years ago Report
Caecilia? Those are those weird sea-snake things, I think. But yeah, I cut out a scene referring to an ability to squirt ink as another nod to squid anatomy. More broadly, the funny thing is that this kind of creature has two heads since a squid's "bottom" is where everything important is. I figured that, like I hinted in the story, to the narrator her human 'half' is basically just elaborate camouflage; she's closer to a very smart squid with a cosmetically (albeit very convincingly so) human top to lure in prey than a true 'hybrid'. That seemed more interesting to write about.
Posted by 4ofSwords 14 years ago Report
Dang it. I spelled it wrong. Cecaeilia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cecaelia' target='_blank'>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cecaelia
Posted by Jacquelope 14 years ago Report
Ah yes, this is why I prefer mermaids to squid women. Only you could make things like this work... I'm too chicken. :D
BTW Happy New Year!
Posted by bebl 14 years ago Report
I love this "might-playing" by inhuman females at human males, it is so sexy :D
Great story :)
Posted by Bright 14 years ago Report
I like how she sounds really sophisticated. Obviously the humans must underestimate her.