Posted by Stormer 13 years ago Report

I was starting to think you'd died. Looks good, I'm just about to read it.

Posted by Stormer 13 years ago Report

Plenty of storyline without getting particularly boring, and a quick fight scene? Nicely done. I liked how you worked in the vore in a way that didn't appear too forced, but I am a little sceptical on how long that can last for. Still, good work and looking forward to more.

Posted by Lum_the_mad 13 years ago Report

I sort of did die xD I'm glad that you liked it, and I agree I don't know exactly how long I can keep it up for, although I don't mean the vore xD. I may have to go on a very long hiatus with this story because writing is becoming increasingly difficult for me at the moment. I actually was thinking of simply reworking my later chapters so that simply, there's a lot more vore in it than there was going to be. My world has so many people eating monsters, that it should be really easy to have a few people eaten here and there. In the next chapter, I had planned for a bit of vore involving Kaylin, Elarial's smoking hot crazy sister. So hopefully I can start working on that sometime soon, although I thrive on encouragement, so feel free to cheer me on to write another chapter if you want one >_>.

Posted by Stormer 13 years ago Report

Ooh that sounds like something to look forward too, then. I'm looking forward to any more chapters you do, but don't feel you HAVE to write them right away, I know what writer's block is like. But yeah, keep it up, best series on eka's right now.

Posted by PrinnyDood 13 years ago Report

OK, finally got around to writing up some proper feedback of the elusive chapter 2! (Once again, sorry for being so darn slow about this. ^^;)

I liked the interactions between Kaylin and Elarial, the two have a interesting relationship, and despite their differences, really seem to care about each other. I'm curious to see more about Kaylin, as a princess/priestess of Sune, she's a rather interesting case. And while Elarial's 'Rebellious Princess' trope has been done a million times, I think she also has a lot of things going for her to subvert the usual role. She's a bounty hunter with an Infinity Plus One Scythe, instead of a Staff Chick type healer. (I've been on TVtropes today. Sue me. ;P) Of course, her true love quest is very princessy, but nobody's perfect. xD

The atmosphere in Shadowdale was quite good, especially since undead and similar creatures are typically associated with cold and decay, while Shadowdale had more of a choking, 'seared putrescence' vibe to it. Very neat and unique.

My favorite line: "and most peculiar of all, the sun seemed to have... teeth" A perfect description of that 'oh shit' moment where one knows something is wrong, but hasn't fully processed the situation yet.

The fight with the worm was for the most part extremely well described and fast-paced, with everything that took place being quite clear. The only strange part was the moment it snatched her into its mouth. It was unclear to me how exactly it got the drop on her, when she was previously so capable of outmaneuvering it. It curled into a ball, she taunted it and was about to leave, and then it suddenly had her. A touch jarring, but nothing major.

I was also amused that the undead worm-thing's name was Joe. xD

I also liked how logically skeptical Elarial was regarding the dome of truth thing. Most of the time in these sorts of stories characters accept stuff like that at face value, but she brought up a lot of good points. However, the Soul Oath bit confused me a bit. If he was willing to go that far, couldn't that Old One guy have just sworn a soul oath to tell her the truth about the wish and everything, making the dome kinda unnecessary? Or maybe he was pulling a subtle trick of some sort.

You definitely seem to be getting better and better, especially in terms of editing for flow. There are still points where sentences go on too long, or explain things awkwardly, but on the whole you're progressing at a fine pace, I'd say. I'm hoping you'll continue this story in the future.

Posted by Lum_the_mad 13 years ago Report

PrinnyDood, once again I must thank you for a very beautifully written critique! :D I have been a little short on time to write recently, and had lost some of my drive to keep writing this story, but this gives me a bit more faith. I hope you noticed that I tried to make sure there were lots of commas this time around XD.

Kaylin is one of my favorite characters in this series, being a bit more (for lack of a better word) Tsundere than Elarial. As for Elarial, well she IS a princess, so her quest being a bit princessy kind of works for me xD. She's just not very princessy herself, with the whole seductive bounty hunter bit. Also, the Scythe IS cursed, so I allow a little leniency in the infinity plus one powers there. To be fair, this series is dealing with Dragons, and Liches, they're kind of epic level monsters, so an epic weapon seems only fair.

Honestly, I had even forgotten the line about the sun having teeth being in there, so when you read it back to me, I actually laughed xD With the fight against Joe the undead worm, that jarring bit where she suddenly found herself inside his mouth was because that's more or less how it felt to Elarial. One minute, she had defeated him, and could move on, but the minute she turned her back, the thing stopped playing (completely) dead, and pounced. In that particular case, her haughtiness had gotten the better of her.

I still don't entirely have a good idea how to explain some things in a simpler manner. A lot of the time when I'm writing it, I don't entirely know if it needs to be simplified, or even if I need to go into more depth with it. I am working on it though, and that was something I really had to try and work out when explaining some of Elarial's skepticism. As for the Old One, soul oaths are VERY dangerous things, and if he promised Elarial the reward outright, he would have to have been incredibly particular about the wording, so that it couldn't be manipulated for his demise. At least if he's only forced to tell the truth, it leaves a bit of wiggle room. This particular old one is so cautious, that he would not dare make a soul oath unless it was something he knows to be an absolute. He also loves using half-truths, because the globe doesn't quite pick up on things that are truth depending on the wording.

Hopefully, I'll get to writing on my fifth chapter soon, but I suspect this is not likely a book that will ever get published if nothing else xD.

Posted by Lum_the_mad 13 years ago Report

Err, 4th chapter rather... I haven't really started thinking about writing a fifth one yet >_>

Posted by PrinnyDood 13 years ago Report

Haha, actually, I didn't really notice any of the punctuation at all... which is perfect. If the punctuation is invisible to the reader, it means you're doing it right. :D

Tsundere clerics are my favorite. 'It's not like I'm not raising you because I like you or anything. Jeez!' xD

And yeah, you do make a good point, an Infinity+1 weapon should, technically, surpass all other weapons (of its type) in *every* category. Being cursed kinda makes that impossible. And I like epic-level situations pretty well, myself, so I wasn't raggin' or anything. I have an epic confrontation or two planned in my own stories, after all. :3

What you say about the soul oath thingy makes sense. I had a feeling he was just being cautious, vowing to tell the truth about the functionality of a specific spell isn't open to a lot of interpretation. Whereas defining 'true love', kind of a messy business.

I'm certainly looking forward to seeing chapter 4, whenever you get the time to put it together. Pelor knows, I sympathize about not having tons of free time for writing. Though luckily at the moment I seem to be in a bit of a lull. I'm enjoying it while it lasts! xD