The one issue I picked up on though? your use of the word 'would'...It's a common mistake in new writers, but it's seen quite obviously, it's 'engrish' sounds almost like english, but not, as though written by a second language. "Blah would sit down" Doesn't work, In my experience 'would' rarely preceeds anything except 'of'...it's an exception clause "Blah would have sat down, but there was no chair" etc.
Funny enough, I was going throughout my day today wondering about just such things. When I read your comment earlier before I had a chance to reply, I could easily note back in my head that I was prone to using that word a lot.
Thank you very much for pointing that out to me, and the critique is always very welcome. I've since revised chapter 4, and may go back and revise the previous chapters as well.
do so if you like, personally I prefer to leave my own stuff as I wrote it, so that I can look back on where I came from (for example my first ever story? I thought it was AMAZING, I look back now and see how poor it is compared to what I can do now, gives me a warm feeling inside and I'm always glad I didn't edit it out as I improved)
Posted by dagar 13 years ago Report
Now I just feel worse that Mala is gone >.< Blast it ^^;
Posted by soline 13 years ago Report
Excellent, EXCELLENT job! truely brilliant!
The one issue I picked up on though? your use of the word 'would'...It's a common mistake in new writers, but it's seen quite obviously, it's 'engrish' sounds almost like english, but not, as though written by a second language. "Blah would sit down" Doesn't work, In my experience 'would' rarely preceeds anything except 'of'...it's an exception clause "Blah would have sat down, but there was no chair" etc.
Posted by Vuin 13 years ago Report
Funny enough, I was going throughout my day today wondering about just such things. When I read your comment earlier before I had a chance to reply, I could easily note back in my head that I was prone to using that word a lot.
Thank you very much for pointing that out to me, and the critique is always very welcome. I've since revised chapter 4, and may go back and revise the previous chapters as well.
Posted by soline 13 years ago Report
do so if you like, personally I prefer to leave my own stuff as I wrote it, so that I can look back on where I came from (for example my first ever story? I thought it was AMAZING, I look back now and see how poor it is compared to what I can do now, gives me a warm feeling inside and I'm always glad I didn't edit it out as I improved)
Posted by PsychoKrows 13 years ago Report
Great series so far. Really looking forward to the next installment. Keep up the great work!