Anko no Anal
 
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Deep within the annals of Konoha, a devious person unfurls a scroll. "Kukuku. Such a wondrous jutsu. Now, who shall be my first victim?"
 
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Sure, no one was in this training ground, and she wasn't in a clearing where people would most likely head to. However, she turned on her all-seeing eye bloodline, and not even seeing a single person nearby, she unzipped her pant and squated behind a bush.
 
The long-haired heiress of the Hyuuga clan had to go badly. Yes, there were rumors that a prestigious clan such as the one she belongs in would rather hold it and go to a high-end establishment brimming with butlers who handed out towels. However, she had just finished training with her team and she couldn't simply head to the other side of town for that purpose.
 
As Hinata dug around for a pack of tissues in her pack, the rustling of other tools masked the sounds of wilderness.
 
"Eep!" Hinata shot up, and then looked down. It was leathery or scaly, as thick as a standard scroll but very long. The bottom length of this thing was rooted into the ground while the top part was cemented in her ass. Hinata shivered. The sound and the flickering of something thin in her tunnel just told her that a snake did ram itself up her ass.
 
Hinata tried walking away, but no, the snake didn't pull out its head, though it seems that it did not want to leave its earthen hold either. Hinata was about to strike the snake when she saw the ground bulge. Looking at the lump proved to be a mistake as a giant lump almost as big as a person had shot up from the ground and began stretching her ass.
 
"Ahh!" Hinata held onto a tree, the snake stretching wide with unnatural ease. Whatever the big lump was not only slid into her like butter, but it also just disappeared into her body, almost as if there was nothing forced in there. Hinata laid there, limp and panting. Then she stood up as confident as a person with pants on.
 
"That Jutsu was...wow." 'Hinata' pulled on her pants. Well, after she pulled in the rest of the snake. She then patted 'her' chest. "Huh, I didn't even have knockers half this size back then. What the hell is she eating?"
 
"Hm, now what should I do with this innocent little girl?"
 
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((Now, if this was a more serious story, I would tell you that 'Hinata' jumped on Naruto and tried to flirt with him. Of course, his teammate Sakura sees the situation and punches Naruto into the next district. 'Hinata' complains to Sakura able the removal of the boy, but Sakura easily notices that Hinata would not have spoken so easily, especially if Naruto was involved.
 
Therefore, I will skip to the next scene since that's what everyone wants.))
 
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The office of the Hokage was locked and sealed, with noise-cancelling jutsus and window-darkening seals. Tsunade was looked at her apprentice Sakura and at the unusually calm and tied up 'Hinata' the only other occupants in the room. Sadly, the sake was in the other room.
 
"Shit, looks like Hinata's captor used that jutsu."
 
"That jutsu?" Sakura asked.
 
Tsunade really wished she had the sake. "Orochimaru was working on a way to impose his immortality jutsu on the host body. Since the intestines could absorb nutrients much quicker than oral ingestion, Orochimaru had tried to take over the body through that part of the body. After he got...stuck, he abandoned that version of the jutsu."
 
"Huh, that's interesting." Hinata mused.
 
"Yes, Anko, it is." Tsunade glared at the normally shy girl.
 
'Hinata' nodded and then paled. "Um, I don't know of this Anko you speak of."
 
"..." Tsunade sighed. "If you were really a missing nin, you would have at least pretended you were Anko."
 
"Well, you can't get me in trouble if I'm you!" Hinata shot out of her bindings and disappeared. Tsunade and Sakura looked around, not seeing any open exits. They weren't dealing with a chunin but a special jounin...
 
"Secret Technique! A Thousand Years of Pain!" Four fingers pierced into the hinds of Tsunade, followed by clasped hands, two arms and the rest of Hinata. The Hokage's eyes widened with surprise, but she then exploded into smoke, revealing a pale slug that then reared its head, lifting Hinata's hips and legs into the air.
 
Tsunade reappeared next to Sakura, her coat hiding her ruined pants. She grabbed Sakura by the butt. "Your turn!"
 
"Wha-" She was then slammed into the ass of the Hyuuga heiress, the force of Tsunade's rage breaking through the pants and embedding her in just as deep as Hinata was in the slug.
 
Tsunade stepped back as Sakura's legs thrashed around, but then a snake had somehow emerged from Hinata's ass, its mouth already around Sakura's legs. The legs were no match as the snake crawled up until her toes were swallowed by the creature. The snake looked at the only untouched woman in the room.
 
"I don't think so!" Tsunade shouted, grabbing the snake by the neck and pushing it back into Hinata's ass. "Slug Enema no Jutsu!"
 
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"Madam Hokage, we need to..." The elders looked at Tsunade as she stared back at them. Her mouth was planted onto the posterior of a person who's remaining body was inside a giant slug.
 
"...We'll come back later." The elders closed the door.
 
---
 
Tsunade wiped the slime from her mouth as Hinata's legs stopped twitching. A giant slug soon emerged from her ass, followed by another slug. Tsunade reached into one of them and pulled out a snake with a human-shaped lump. One smack later, the snake burst into smoke and Sakura landed on the ground, parts of her clothes still digesting.
 
"Sakura, taken Hinata and heal her."
 
Sakura wanted to say something, but decided not to draw on her leader's legendary wrath. As she pulled out the heiress from the slug, Tsunade looked at the remaining slug.
 
"Anko, do you realize what you nearly did? This was Orochimaru's jutsu. Your original body would have been absorbed and lost! And since you don't have any knowledge of the Hyuuga's techniques, she would be kicked out from her clan faster than Naruto on free ramen night!"
 
The slug seems to slouch. It opened its mouth to reveal Anko. "I'm sorry. I only wanted some harmless fun..."
 
"Well, I read the copy of the jutsu. You wouldn't have known from what was simply written." Tsunade calmed down. "However, that doesn't mean you'll go without a punishment."
 
"Please no D-rank, please no D-ranks, please no D-ranks..."
 
---
 
"So you want to give us a complaint box..." Ibiki clarified.
 
"That's right." Tsunade responded.
 
"You want to give us, the T&I department, a complaint box..."
 
"Yep."
 
"And the fact that the box smells like someone's ass..."
 
"It comes with a second hole for compliments."
 
Ibiki rubbed his head as he filled out two scrolls. "Well, I complain about getting such a ridiculous box!"
 
"!"
 
"And I complain about Anko not showing up! Where is she anyway?"
 
"Ah, she made an ass of herself." Tsunade said smoothly, noting that the second scroll wasn't pushed all the way in, so she shoved it in.
 
"!"
 
With all sides of the box made of sturdy wood reinforced with silencing seals, no one would realize Anko would become a messenger the next day.