Hmm, I'm glad to see more of FD but I don't think that there's enough here for this to constitute a story. There's just no conflict of any kind. FD is a blank flank but this does not cause any difficulties, there is no jealousy for his brother who has his cutie mark (you can be jealous of someone and still love them), and when he eats his brother there is no ambivalence only pleasure, and his brother lives so there is no regret.
I know that sounds harsh, but conflict is often what stories are made of and how characters deal with said conflict is what makes them interesting and these things are completely absent here. I do think you are a good writer, however, I just think that you left out the crucial ingredient in this particular story.
Posted by soullesschao 11 years ago Report
Needs a bit more detail on the act, other than that same amazing work as last time.
Posted by juicefox 11 years ago Report
Hmm, I'm glad to see more of FD but I don't think that there's enough here for this to constitute a story. There's just no conflict of any kind. FD is a blank flank but this does not cause any difficulties, there is no jealousy for his brother who has his cutie mark (you can be jealous of someone and still love them), and when he eats his brother there is no ambivalence only pleasure, and his brother lives so there is no regret.
I know that sounds harsh, but conflict is often what stories are made of and how characters deal with said conflict is what makes them interesting and these things are completely absent here. I do think you are a good writer, however, I just think that you left out the crucial ingredient in this particular story.
Posted by SilverShy 11 years ago Report
Nice.
Posted by mallowsal 11 years ago Report
i like how its non fatal. dont see that too often in vore
Posted by simalst 11 years ago Report
Great.