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Since recorded time the Verulian people have fought with the Daemon, a race of people who have the ability and desire to devour a someone whole. After the Tranquility Concord was signed by both sides over 100 years ago both Verulian and Daemon have kept clear of one another, neither passing the middle ground between Animus and Fames called "the border". But when one Daemon gives in to his hunger the Verulian call for his head. However the Daemon are done apologizing for their natural need, and refuse to tolerate those beneath them any longer.
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Posted by Chameleonette 11 years ago Report
Oh, this was just wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed the sensual nature of their relationship and the betrayal when he decided to fully have her for himself. Very well written and I like the world you have created here between the two, especially taking the concept of forbidden love to something more carnal. Great work!
Posted by Damsel 11 years ago Report
Just wait until the actual story takes off. This is a prologue, and only the start of this horrific tale lol! Glad you liked it! I'm all a-blush!
Posted by nephilim 11 years ago Report
*Makes note to read later*
Posted by Damsel 11 years ago Report
Nothing compared to your perfection Nephy. But I do think my main lady eater Raegor and Danny would be BFF's in another life, lol!
Posted by nephilim 11 years ago Report
Then I like him already (;
Posted by Imrhys 11 years ago Report
Well well, we have a new quality writer here abouts. Excellent ^^
Nice opening, lovely betrayal of trust, and lovely "finality" of consequences.
I love his reluctance, his fighting his nature. It is in the characters usually that stories are interesting for me, not the plot, and your making him all too fallible and guilt ridden, even for what his own people would probably do to him-- delicious. Excellent work ^^
Posted by Damsel 11 years ago Report
Thank you! Yeah wait until you meet the Queen and Raegor (The Daemon leader). It's mainly centered around them, and oh do they clash ;) I love the character aspect too, everything else is background foundation for me. It's normally the people within the tales that truly carry it.
Posted by Imrhys 11 years ago Report
Yes *nods* We all know where most stories are going, eventually. Maybe a plot twist here or there. It is how they get there and how well the author(ess) draws us in that makes my toes curl.
One of my favorite books series of all time ended (book three became a whole other trilogy told by someone else and a part of me died forever, lol) with the singular most powerful being on the planet (fantasy, she was wickedly powerful sorceress) making the last journal entry into her lover's diary about just who was going to pay for the taking of her lover and their child from her now that her full powers had returned/recovered. Considering up to this point she was only a feared character in the background and you saw 99% of the story only from her lover's POV until his surprise drugging and kidnapping... made my toes curl thinking about the pain SOMEONE was going to have "next." Or in-other-words, I felt her rage, pain-of-loss, and with two trilogies of context for how she reacted when angered... *smiles broadly*
Posted by nephilim 11 years ago Report
First impressions: This story has a wonderful erotic charge. I love the ephemeral glimpses you give us of this fantasy world. The terminologies are very melodic and support the atmosphere you have created; Fames, Animus, Tranquility Concord. Their connotative nature translates effortlessly; truly the work of a talented wordsmith.
Your balance of prose and narrative is fantastic; the pacing and sequencing is appropriate.
You lavish with detail, and streamline with stage directions where necessary.
Bae certainly has potential, and I see the glimmer of an interesting character exposition forthcoming; and your hints of a monarchy and a queen definitely inspire intrigue.
I love betrayal and it is certainly a theme here, but I did not feel the overall emotional impact; I did not feel Ayla's horror as much as I felt Bae's passion. I chalk this up to personal preference, or character view point; but I'm leaning toward the a directorial decision, insomuch that you derive more pleasure writing from the predator's mindset. Just make sure it doesn't blunt the response from the prey; that is, if it's your intent going forward.
But what I love most of all about this excerpt is that the story is... for lack of a better word /pretty/. It's idyllic and pastoral; and conjures to mind vine-laced pastures of pristine forest. There's a wonderful feel to this, like it's a fable. I don't get a sense of dread or horror; instead, it truly feels like a high-fantasy story that only happens to have some dark shadows of vore, that even then don't eclipse the surface beauty of the story.
I can't wait to read more (:
Posted by nephilim 11 years ago Report
Second thoughts: I am continually impressed with your congruency and consistency. All throughout this excerpt you never once stray from the beauty. The names are beautiful, the connotations are beautiful, the descriptors are beautiful, the backdrop -- even in abstraction -- is beautiful.
And the second reason I'm impressed is your mutability with tone. I've RP'd with -- and continue to RP with you -- and I never would expected such beauty! I've seen you crass and graphic, visceral and raw; and this -- this is such a refreshing change!
You have a wonderfully poetic soul (:
Posted by Imrhys 11 years ago Report
Yes! Second all this (except the RP'ing part of course).
Posted by Damsel 11 years ago Report
Nephie please you're making me blush ;__; I have to admit I'm not totally in love with my prologue. I suck terribly at starting things off. And yeah we didn't get poor Ayla's horror but her death isn't being taken lightly that's for sure. I ended up liking Bae so much that I just stayed in his head, and her terror was from his sight. But lord you compliment me too much, you're going to make me arrogant woman! Thank you like a million times! After all it's you I'd have to say inspired me to want to write so deeply about vore. And make it a story not just a one shot thing <3