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Hi, this is my first story and my native language is not english so sorry if this story sucks. Comments and critics will be well received and I'll try to improve! Thanks! Btw, this work is very influenced by some artists like: Mysta, Hermlover and Xwarrior, they are awesome!!!
Update: the story continues. If i had to say I think it is better the second part! Check it out here->http://aryion.com/g4/view/281361
Description: Robert is still in love with his ex-girlfriend and a new product will change his life. WARNING: it contains some scat
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Posted by Hermlover21 10 years ago Report
I liked it! The only thing kinda turning me off a little was the references to death. Even though its always implied I like to avoid using words like kill, dead, and death. Otherwise it was awesome!
Posted by Koseki 10 years ago Report
It is really an honor for me ,the fact that you even read and commented my story. I will consider in my future stories if i should remove the references to death if more feedback says so.
Thanks Herm!!!!
Posted by pippo720 10 years ago Report
not bad for a first story :) , maybe in the next ones you should be more detailed or put in more dialogues, howevere welldone !!
P.S. i love the story with ex-girlfriends :D
Posted by Koseki 10 years ago Report
yeah, i agree with you. i should have put more dialogues and a little more detail in the description of the situations. to tell you the truth i wrote this story using my mobile phone in one go and without some needed planification, so i guess the final part of the story is kinda rushed...
but yeah I'm intending to put much more dialogue in my future stories, more than describing the situation. that's because i am really more interested (and turned on) by the story between prey and pred and their feelings and interactions than the proper description of the action.
Posted by Koseki 10 years ago Report
By the way, thanks for the comment!!! I will take in consideration your point of view in my next stories!
Posted by pippo720 10 years ago Report
thanks to you ;) .... just for curiosity, you said you are not english nor american ... if i could ask, where are you from ?
Posted by Koseki 10 years ago Report
That's right, so I'm sorry for the possible typos and grammar mistakes. I'm from Spain
Posted by pippo720 10 years ago Report
no there's no problem, i'm italian and sometimes it seems like i am the only one who likes these things
hehe