Posted by Gelus 6 years ago Report

That was good stuff, I think the only thing I noticed out of the ordinary was the use of constellation where you probably meant conciliation. The disposal was amusing, as well as sexy, you don't often think of guano when you think of digested prey.

Posted by ArtaxIsSleeping 6 years ago Report

They definitely meant "consolation".

"not that that was any consolation to Fluttershy"

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

aye that's a accent thing, i say my story's and don't write them. hence in my thick northern English accent the software gets the two confused. fixed it now, and i am going to have to check for this error, as this is the second or third time its happened.

thank you for pointing it out.

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

glad you enjoyed it, most people forget how birds poop, and for the scat lovers out there it is pretty spectacular.

Posted by Br2nd66 6 years ago Report

now all that's left is rarity with blue blood and twi with ... celly?

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

surprises are to be had, as both will not meet the fate's you expect. i saved the best for last.

Posted by Nebbie 6 years ago Report

You still need to work on grammar a bit. For instance, '“Shush, shush, I don’t mean you any harm,” she said in a reserved voice, she had seen a swan break a pony’s leg with a flap of its powerful wings once before, an event she didn’t want to repeat. Her words seemed to ring home, as the hissing stopped; the swans neck returned to its normal “S” position, its small black eyes staring at her intently.'
should be '“Shush, shush, I don’t mean you any harm,” she said in a reserved voice; she had seen a swan break a pony’s leg with a flap of its powerful wings once before, an event she didn’t want to repeat. Her words seemed to ring home, as the hissing stopped; the swan's neck returned to its normal “S” position, its small black eyes staring at her intently.'

Posted by Nebbie 6 years ago Report

Rather, punctuation and apostrophes, specifically.

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

this is going to make me sound like a massive cretin, but what are apostrophes. i never got that far in English class, and its my first language so i should be ashamed.

also, would you be willing to proof read my next story, you seem to know quite a bit about this skill of writing; so i think it would be useful if you could take a gander at my next pony story, and make sure i am using them correctly.

for example i have started using ; and : as of my Padme story, and evidently i still do not quite know where to put them.

Posted by Nebbie 6 years ago Report

''' is an apostrophe or single-quote (there are also single-quotes that are directional and only the closing one can really serve as an apostrophe).
Apostrophes are used for:
Marking missing letters in contractions ("it's" for "it is"); "it's my first language".
Marking possessive on non-pronouns when followed by an s ("swan's neck"). For nouns ending in s, it can be more complicated if you want; one style puts only an apostrophe if it's a proper noun ("Douglas' car"), and another puts only an apostrophe if a second s sound wouldn't be present in speech.

I'll proofread it; I still don't have much spare time, but it might only take like 20 minutes, in which case I'd be able to proofread often.

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

thanks, for the extra info, and i appreciate you taking the time to help me.

Posted by Nebbie 6 years ago Report

That first comma is extraneous btw.

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

XD this feedback is going to be esteem crushing.

Posted by PonyThroat 6 years ago Report

quite an unexpected predator

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

expect the unexpected

Posted by takugenji 6 years ago Report

so I know you like Disposal because of the domination part of it. So what would you think of Disposal with Reformation at the end?

The pred could do so much stuff with the prey at that point!

"My my, Look at the mess you made. And to think that shit used to be you. I could always do it again. Maybe I won't reform you next time. Just let you become a part of me forever!"

Stuff like that.
I don't hate disposal but I do dislike the death aspect that usually follows the implication. That way disposal can happen with death not meaning anything.

Of course this is assuming that you do like the idea. Just throwing it out there. Also sorry bout not reviewing anything yet. It has been a bad 2 month. Might have some hours cut back at my job, which would destroy my insurance. SO I've not been doing to well.

Anyway I do have a few ideas for Disposal with Reformation so if you do have a want to use a premise that I have thought of, just message me. I wouldn't want to clutter your comment section. Anyway, probably be on a bit tomorrow night so I'll see if it works then.

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

i have a few reformation ideas, i just haven't gotten around to writing any of them.

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

update to that, i have been in the mood to do reformation, got a little something planned

Posted by Base54 6 years ago Report

Fluttershy must be on some more drugs then Natalya was when she ate those apple fritter. Just a little question Flutters, what's gonna happen if the swan doesn't let you out? You're going to die and not a word of this is gonna get to its mother. Unless your spirit is filled with so much anger and rage that you come back to tell the mother what happened, and even then, what's gonna happen? Is the swans mother gonna give it a spanking for eating?

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

she is a bit of a naive little horse, hence why she for-filled her correct role in life as she curled up into a little ball of horse meat, and was reborn as a yellow pellet.