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Another story in my series about f/go girls getting fat.
This features everyone's favorite 1-star assassin becoming enormous. She eats nearly all of the bronze servants for her beloved master.
Personally I'm uncomfortable writing underage prey, so that's why Paul didn't get swallowed. Don't expect any stories with Jack either.
Shuten Douji, on the other hand...
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Posted by Ginga 6 years ago Report
nice sotry, though for a recommendation, what about nitocris eating tamamo to prove who's best caster
Posted by algog8 6 years ago Report
If this was in game I'd feed her x10 rolls every hour.
Posted by cr055x 6 years ago Report
Shuten is great and all, but what about Iburaki Douji?
Posted by cr055x 6 years ago Report
*Ibaraki
Posted by Artist-san 6 years ago Report
This was a pretty neat idea. Though Kojiro seems to be a odd candidate for to write for the prey in this occasion. I think Blackbeard or Shakespeare or even Mozart would have been a lot more interesting to write in this situation. Possibly more fun to write too. Kojiro just doesn't seem to fit for the whole "helpless in front of predator situation".
The writing for his mental resistance was very off. Mata Hari isn't very hard for someone like him to pull away from. Though if he weren't aware of her being a threat, it would be more convincing. Kojiro sensed danger from Mata Hari, which he shouldn't have. The fact that one doesn't see Mata Hari a threat is how her allure works. It's a skill of her's called Espionage. She would also have to dance to charm him and well... she clearly can't dance in that state. Hence why i say it would've been better to write different character in his spot. The pheromones she wears can also make it work, but you didn't write about that.
The way you wrote the scene looked as if he were under a psychic pull or puppetery rather than charm. The fact that Kojiro still able to think made the scene look very off, since he has the ability to clear his mentality as a skill. Overall, the whole charm scene was written awfully, but I hope you at least had fun with it. That's what matters. I have no other comments on the writing besides the same ones on overused words from your last story.