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Another story in my series about f/go girls getting fat.
Nightingale attempts to help Mordred and Scathach. It doesn't end very well for the couple, but they pad Nightingale's body quite nicely.
This story was requested by an anon over on /d/ a few weeks ago. I really enjoyed writing it.
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Posted by Artist-san 6 years ago Report
I am really liking how all these stories tie together like a web, it's a nice touch. Though there was something odd about Nightingale's writing.
The whole time I was reading, I was thinking "Why is the berserker playing the straightman in all this?" She was too sane and levelheaded even after she ate them. I can't imagine the woman who rushes off onto the battlefield with no sense of self, who attempts to amputate others without listening to those explaining that it isn't necessary to do so and generally being one to not listen to other people at all. For someone as forceful and adamant as Nightingale to be the straightman in this story, it just seems out of character.
I can see her more likely getting fed up with the two parties, deciding to restrain both girls together with her military techniques and eat them aggressively at the same time rather than reason. She would probably claim they have some sort of mental disease to justify doing so. The digestive scene could be a bit longer, but it was alright to say the least.
Overall, the whole story sequence was silly until the master walked into the room to settle her perverted desires again. Though at least you had a good time with this, as out of character as it was. I look forward to seeing that BB story, since you tied it into the series.
Anyway, I hope none of my criticism seems too harsh or even offensive. I saw these stories yesterday and really wanted to give an input on them since they're recent.
Posted by donkdonknever 6 years ago Report
Hey, thanks for all the feedback. Your comments have been the most critical I've gotten and I'm actually really thankful for that. I want to improve and it's comments like yours which help push me.
I could make excuses, but a lot of the points you bring up are totally fair. I'll try to keep what you've said in mind when I write.
Posted by Artist-san 6 years ago Report
No problem. A lot of people I know are starved for criticism and apparently we lost a good writer here due to low feedback on his works. It was sad to hear about, so I decided I might as well help the writer community out here a little more. Unfortunately, its an "if I don't who will?" situation.