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Tags: alice margatroid Belching Belly bulge burping up clothes Digestion Eirin Yagokoro F/F f/multiple Fatal Female Pred Female Prey Huge belly I am fully charged! Implied Disposal indigestion kaguya houraisan marisa kirisame Mass Vore melty digestion Multiple Preys Oral Vore reimu hakurei reisen udongein inaba Remilia Scarlet Ripped clothes Sakuya Izayoi Soft Vore Story Struggling Tewi Inaba touhou touhou project Unwilling Prey Weight Gain Youmu Konpaku yukari yakumo yuyuko saigyouji
In which Eirin does a B I G E A T, but then immediately regrets it. But hey, at least she kept all those troublesome invaders from reaching Kaguya! Silver linings, you know?
You'd think that being a medical genius, she'd know that eating a shrine maiden, a witch, a time-stopping maid, a dollmaking magician, a gap youkai, a vampire, a half-ghost, and a ghost princess all at once wouldn't exactly go over well with your gastrointestinal tract.
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Surprise! The Mokou story isn't happening just yet. Don't worry, it'll come eventually. I just randomly got the idea for this one in the middle of the night after waking up all of a sudden, and I knew I had to get started on it right away, because it was just too good to pass up on. Plus, Eirin's a great, yet criminally underrated pred. She's definitely one of my top 10 touhous.
Anyway, welcome to a little series I'm starting, which I'll be calling Boss Rush. The basis for it is basically "what if the player characters lost to the final boss of each touhou game but then vore stuff ensues". Reasonings for why all this eating's going on can be left out at the door. It's not one coherent plotline, just a series of what-ifs.
So here in particular is my new and improved ending of Path A in Imperishable Night, where you fight Eirin as the final boss. Eirin is sort of the 'fake' final boss of the game, as the endings you get when you beat her are less than stellar. Imperishable Night also has one of the largest casts of playable characters in a main Touhou game, consisting of four teams of two, making eight total characters. So, naturally, I figured the course of action for such a path is that ALL four teams you can play as get stuffed down Eirin's gullet and she digests them into a fine slush. Eirin's always got to do all the work, since someone has to pick up for Kaguya's slack.
Mass vore also gets a big yessir-two-thumbs-up from me, so naturally I loved writing this. Writing digestion is fun too, especially real melty, detailed stuff. I'm just a writer by hobby, and I've pretty much just picked up things from reading a bunch of stories on the site. I'm always open for writing tips, like better phrasing or less repetitive and/or juicier words. If you've got any tips or places I can look, or just want to point out any typos or syntax errors that I most likely ended up making, just let me know! I'll get right to fixing it after I finish slapping myself repeatedly for making such a silly mistake.
With all that said... hope you enjoy!
(Edit: This should be the finalized version of the story. Thanks to everyone for their input! I'll make sure to consider all the advice I received for future stories as well.)
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Posted by Twisty22 5 years ago Report
This is absolutely full of things that I like, especially the dialogue in the belly between all the teams. Digestion was really good too; I like how it hops right into the fun stuff without dwelling on stuff like swallowing forever. In fact, the only thing I maybe could have done with more of was more quotes from the prey just about th melt away instead of just Reimu and Yukari. But when the only criticism I can think of is "I want more," you know you've done something real good.
It's really great, and I look forward to more of your stuff.
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
Aw, thanks! You know, I was thinking about it, but I thought the story was already long enough, and I was worried I'd have to reformat the whole scene to fit in the rest of the dialogue. I'll see about it later.
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
Well, nevermind. That was an easier fix than I thought it would've been. Silly me.
Posted by nyttyn 5 years ago Report
High quality, well done! Eirin is, indeed, a great pred. Uhh, if I had anything to say beyond "yeah Eirin eating is good she should eat Mokou or something" uhh...
At times, the dialogue was a bit lacking in description of inflection, . The transitions were also a bit stiff at times, like as one example
"Following them a few minutes later were Yuyuko Saigyouji and Youmu Konpaku." You could change it up to be something like "A few minutes later, Youmu and Yuyuko began to melt away into sludge as well."
Also on that note, you can probably just stick to first name basis after the introductions are done unless it's for dramatic effect, like "The sage of Gensokyo. *Yukari Yakumo.* Reduced to nothing but food" as a hypothetical sentence where full name for effect would be good.
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
I see. Thanks so much! Transitions are definitely my weakest point, so I'll tidy it and update with your suggestions. I could've sworn I mostly stuck to first-name basis, though. I used full names on purpose for the final digestion scene specifically for dramatic effect... but maybe it was overdoing it a bit. Thanks again for your input, though!
Posted by nyttyn 5 years ago Report
I think the reason it fell a bit flat was because you weren't putting much emphasis on any of their titles, deeds, etc at that point. That's definitely a good idea, and I don't think you overdid it per se, I'd just run with it a bit further net time if that's the goal.
I hope the recommendations help! But I wouldn't like, put tooo much worry in making just the one story perfect, you can always just try things out with the next! Goodness knows I burned myself out by trying to edit stories one too many times on occasion.
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
*sound of writing down notes vigorously* Ah, of course! I can't believe I didn't think of that.
I'll probably end up fine-tuning this anyway. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so when someone tells me "oh you should've done this" I just have to go and fix it, otherwise it's just going to haunt me. I appreciate all the feedback, though, and I'll keep it in mind for my next story.
Posted by colemercer 5 years ago Report
woaaah nyttyn long time not see you in here, i miss your pics buddy
Posted by Aqualite 5 years ago Report
This was actually the first Touhou game I 1cc'd. Twice. I really like how you handled it.
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
Ah, I see. EoSD was that for me. I always end up going back to it every now and again, it's just really simple and its soundtrack is so unique from the rest of the series. Glad you enjoyed the story!
Posted by colemercer 5 years ago Report
hi aqualite long time not see you too
Posted by MysteryFuto 5 years ago Report
That's me with Ten Desires! ...Which is probably why I always have Futo at the top of my list, huh...
Anyhow, very good read! We could always, always use more Touhou mass vore. Always. Especially well written stuff like this!
Posted by colemercer 5 years ago Report
wow, amazing story and you maybe can make a special proyect of touhou vore storys i have, what do you say? can hear my idea? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzJDimvPW1Y&list=PLobKWmkzlf2FB9XYNRZYZxxTXif0gHo-U&index=14&t=0s my reaction after see this story
Posted by LightDragon 5 years ago Report
"They came to seek the culprit behind the imperishable night in Gensokyo. They found her, though not in the way they would have liked."
"Well, I do believe the imperishable night is no longer needed now"
It's funny that Imperishable Night's scenario is so misunderstood. Actually, the Eientei peoples are only responsible for the Fake Moon (which is some sort of "shield" designed to protect them from a lunarian invasion). The responsibles for the eternal night are the protagonists (Yukari, Sakuya, Alice and probably Yuyuko), who stopped the night in order to have enough time to find the culprit of the Fake Moon.
I just wanted to highlight that ^^
Otherwise, it's a nice story. I like seeing vore remakes of Touhou games, I've done one for EoSD... Speaking of that, as I like Remilia as pred, I'm curious to see the EoSD one :p
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
*Scratches head* Huh. Some touhou fan I am, then.
Uhhh... I blame Imperishable Night for being really confusing? Also it's been a while since I played it.
I'll get to fixing that right away, thank you.
Posted by LightDragon 5 years ago Report
Well, the story is mostly explained in the instruction booklet (we can only read it on the wikis). The good endings can also develop the story, but god knows they are hard to get. And finally, Kaguya's Last Words explicitly aim to counter the Imperishable Night, but getting to the Last Words is even more difficult than seeing the endings...
So yeah, it is pretty hard to get ^^
Posted by theweirdone445 5 years ago Report
Wonderful story~ I've always wanted to see Eirin's strength utilized in devouring her enemies and it's certainly shown here haha
Super excited to see Mokou pred in the future too! Did you have any other ideas of who would get the pred spotlight in future series entries?
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
For Boss Rush specifically, I've gotten started on Remilia's story, and I'm thinking of doing one for Utsuho after that. They're some of my favs. But Mokou's story will probably be somewhere between those two. After that, uhhhhhhh...
I'll get back to you on that one.
Posted by theweirdone445 5 years ago Report
Three very lovely picks, especially Remilia~ She's one of if not my #1 fav 2hu predator.
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
Ah, good to see a fellow Remilia fan. I definitely have a special fondness for her, since EoSD was my first touhou game.
Posted by donkdonknever 5 years ago Report
Really great work! More touhous are always appreciated, but this is really excellent! I especially love how you described the digestive process... very gooey and sloshy. Super good stuff, can’t wait to see more from you!
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
Yeah, I'm a sucker for the melty digestion type stuff. Glad you liked it!
Posted by Ananta 5 years ago Report
while seeing the other bosses get a multi-snack would be an absolute delight, I do think something different should be done with Byakuren. maybe non-fatal?
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
I'd say that's highly likely, honestly. Maybe coupled with endosoma stuff. I do intend to give each story in this series something unique so it doesn't get too repetitive, so that'll probably be hers.
Posted by Ananta 5 years ago Report
I do like seeing accurate characterization, even in little things like this. to me, shows a level of care, and I do anticipate what you'll do next.
good luck.
Posted by Draconatedz 5 years ago Report
I don't even know where to start with praising this one. You managed to cram so much of what I like in a good vore story into this lengthy monster, I'm genuinely impressed! All I can say to end this is I can't wait for whatever you have in store next.
Posted by DimentedChaos 5 years ago Report
Ah, thank you so much! Heh, now that you mention the length, I have to wonder if my stories are a bit too long sometimes...
Anyway, I should have a couple more stories ready very soon, so just keep a look out!
Posted by colemercer 4 years ago Report
I was wondering if you make another version with kaguya i mean eirin is the final boss of the ending A and kaguya is the final boss in ending B soo, you make it?
Posted by DimentedChaos 4 years ago Report
Nope, and I doubt I will. Eirin gives the neutral ending for beating her so I felt she would make the better pred to hand all the girls a massive L (also because I like her a lot more than Kaguya but that's beside the point haha). I feel like it would be redundant to do the same premise again but with Kaguya. I might change my mind eventually though, who knows.
Posted by colemercer 4 years ago Report
Oh ok thanks for the reply of my question