Posted by MisterHoosierPride 4 years ago Report

Hot damn! You write a wonderful sadistic pred and I just love it!

Posted by iliketoread 4 years ago Report

Another great story! Very glad to see you still writing Macro/Micro stories, my favourite. I understand you wanted some feedback on your work and I am more than happy to share my thoughts.

Overall I think the story is an improvement over the last few Macro/Micro stories you've written. I REALLY believe that the extra length really helped make the story have a more intense buildup to the vore scenes. Charlene as a character is great, I love sadistic preds like her. Gonna be honest, I didn't think she'd gobble up Priscilla at the end but I guess I underestimated Charlene's true nature lol. Also think you did extremely well with detail when it came to writing the dialogue between characters. You never over killed how much each person was talking and dialogue flowed well, which is impressive to me as I always fuck that up in my stories.

Now my main criticism of the story is that:

1) I think certain scenes should have been longer and

2) certain key parts should have had a lot more 'emotional detail.'
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1) This one is pretty simple. I think scenes like 'post Priscilla getting swallowed' should have had more belly stuff. Extending the scene and talking about how it feels for Priscilla inside, how it feels to be in a confined space with the owner busy getting off at her misery, the acid covering her skin, etc.

2) This is probably my biggest gripe but I understand you're more straightforward when it comes to vore so it's understandable that the way you wrote the story is probably just from your personal preference. To elaborate anyway, I think scenes like the one where Charlene was looking for the hiding tinies should have tried to connect with the reader's emotions a bit more. It all just happened so fast and the men got gobbled up in the blink of an eye. Personally I think it would have been better with the tension being built up a lot slower. With maybe Charlene, between gobbling up the men, spending more time traversing the room, always getting closer and closer to Priscilla's hiding spot. Or even just a bit more description of how scared Priscilla is. Elaborating on her sweating, heavy breathing and inability to find proper footing with her shaking legs. Kinda creating an atmosphere to help the reader get into the same emotional state as Priscilla. Also, I feel like the men deserved a few more lines for their deaths, I dunno, maybe, thats just my opinion on it.

Loved the story though, great to see someone giving midriffs some great love. I hope you keep up the writing and don't take another long break again as I love reading your stuff. But obviously writing can be hard as inspiration comes quite randomly!

Cheers.

Posted by Hozomat 4 years ago Report

I've been expecting your comment! First off, I'm glad you liked it. I gotta admit, I spent some time thinking why Charlene would eat her crush, but since I didn't intend to keep Priscilla around, well... Down she went! Plus, it kinda shows that Charlene, although cruel, can still have feelings. But her hunger and her lust took over!

1) I actually wanted to do more of Priscilla in the belly (it's my favorite part, you know) but I felt like the masturbation scene would have lost its intensity. And in a way, I think her fate was already tragic enough, so a quick death felt better... Also, I gotta admit, I felt a tad impatient at the very end and kinda rushed to her death. X)

2) Yeess! I was telling that to myself as I was writing that! The whole hide and seek game, which is the core element of the story, was too short and I knew that! I just couldn't figure out how to build up the tension better...

Maybe I'll do an edit of the story later on, who knows...

Anyway, I can't promise that I'll keep a consistent schedule on writing stories, but I'll try to keep an eye on my unstable inspiration, and I have a few ideas in mind! They are mostly same size however. I don't know if it is to your liking.
But hey, if my other characters can do same size vore, then they can do micro too!...

Thanks again for the constructive comment :)

Posted by Nalzindar 3 years ago Report

Great story, I loved the interaction and how Charlene so creatively had removed her offenders, too bad her crush didn't fare any better in at the end. At least did Charlene get a blast out of it! It is really nice to see some unwilling vore combined with such a lovely giantess/shrunken people.

Posted by VVVx 2 years ago Report

I love what you've done with the rewrite :)

Posted by Hozomat 2 years ago Report

Great! I'm glad I managed to make it better, after 2 years of inactivity ^^'