Posted by BardicLasher 3 years ago Report

Fun piece! I love the dynamic between the pred trying to be scary and intimidating and the prey just being way too into it.

Posted by EloquentOrc 3 years ago Report

That was what I was going for :) Glad you like it.

Posted by heromc 3 years ago Report

Really good! I loved the attitudes of the two girls throughout, and Melissa's personality was great.

Posted by EloquentOrc 3 years ago Report

I am very happy to hear you say that :) I enjoyed writing them too. And like I said, this won't be the last appearance of Melissa.

Posted by ryanshowseason3 3 years ago Report

This was pretty good, could have more of their reactions once digestion started for them though, and the phone with the mom call being dropped in. Although i suppose that's a story hook for the next?

Posted by EloquentOrc 3 years ago Report

I return to the phone call and more internal for the girls as part of the sequel I am writing.
However, part of it is deliberate.
Sometimes, I get the feeling a story is getting longer, but it isn't getting better. So I try keep them at least somewhat concise.
Plus, I literally have 100+ story ideas in various stages of completion, so I try to get some finished and posted.

But thank you for the constructive criticism. Always happy for comments, as you yourself no doubt know, it is hard to gauge much from simply how many favorites a story gets :)

Posted by voredrawing 1 year ago Report

Can’t wait to read more like this! :)

Posted by EloquentOrc 1 year ago Report

Glad to hear it. :)
I am working on sequels with Melissa, including a "non-canon" story for a raffle winner that is pretty far along.

Posted by voredrawing 1 year ago Report

Oooo can’t wait to read that then! Melissa is definitely a fav