Posted by alockwood1 2 years ago Report

First Item.

Posted by VampireBunny 2 years ago Report

I don't really understand, Whats the point of this? I don't see why any character who desires to enslave and murder sapient humans for pleasure would want to follow any of the moral laws you're making up here. Or even care about what they "deserve" for these offenses as they would deserve worse by modern moral standards due to being violent supremacists, slavers, and murderers anyway.
It seems like you just want to have a "Lawful Good" aligned slaver and predator but that's always going to be an oxymoron.

I've noticed you are vocal about thinking that popular stories here are flawed or have bad writing or something but I feel like what you actually mean is that those stories are well written but that you're uncomfortable with them because you're very serious about your view of morality and their characters may go against it. You even imply that this character's opinion applies to an afterlife with forced judgement, which makes this suddenly a gospel from the character in the story. I'm saying it feels as if this is less of a story and more intended to be a writing guide made up of your opinions about other people's stories.

But it's not a writing mistake for a chaotically aligned character to take chaotic actions, nor does everyones story need to have an Abrahamic afterlife or an inescapable force of karma that punishes any character who disagrees with the author, which isn't something I'd ever recommend a writer do ever.

If this was for D&D, and I was the DM, I would tell you to play a liberation leader who busts open farms instead because I think your character's actions shouldn't contradict their alignment, it just wouldn't be playable

Posted by alockwood1 2 years ago Report

It's complicated.

Personally, I got nothing against a protective predator, one that's helping to end the suffering of an ill prey friend, or a cruel one that's in the role of a serial killer.

That being said, the story needs to make sense, like why would a Predatory Population suddenly take over, especially in a world that had a decently well-advanced technology level, where nearly all perspective prey are well armed, and other such things. Even more so is if the Predators had been hiding, and should know that, it's best to stick to Criminal Prey, or Dead Prey, or a strict limit, otherwise they might eat the Prey to Extinction.

Posted by VampireBunny 2 years ago Report

But your story doesn't make any sense, because there's no reason for the characters actions other than what you, the author are unhappy with.
Real life history modern, ancient, and otherwise has countless examples of slave states, and your predictions have rarely ever influenced them.

You don't understand that when making worldbuilding that can't apply to the reader's real life knowledge, you can't just say "criminal" and leave it at that, since this raises the question of what this bizarre alien world even sees as criminal, since even cultures in real life, do not agree upon this. It's a world where slavery and murder are viewed as upstanding and moral actions, but where incest is just way too far.

It's also unexplained why the character is hurting their own slavery business for the sake of policing his slaves to insure they don't have any young or teen pregnancies, which does nothing but throttle and bottleneck his own success as a farmer, there's just no story explanation for it that can make sense in context. Especially when you say that the population is in danger of "Extinction"

You've also described "well armed" as meaning wielding literal sticks and stones, but it doesn't take a historian to know that if that was true, the textbooks would be filled with regimes and plantations cowering in fear at their slaves and prisoners.
How would a POW camp even exist in any nation in this world before the predators "took over?" Every prisoner in the POW camp would be fully survival and CQC trained, shouldn't it be literally impossible for governments like the Japanese Empire or any other military to have survived in this worldbuilding?

Even if this was the case, you don't seem to realize that you've answered your own question. "Why would the Predators hide their presence?" Well because you just described that getting rocks thrown at them is like a silver bullet, so that's a very good reason why they should stay in the shadows.

A story about a rare ill prey who also consents to going out in a painful way could work, but I don't see how you could get much mileage out of that because it's such an extremely specific situation that it would just be painfully repetitious and it only serves to take agency away from the characters. People are more engaged with stories when the story beats serve to make the character's agency more important and interesting.

Walter White gets cancer and this changes his character, he now has many more options he, and the viewers experiencing the story through him, would have never considered before, as well as a time limit that encourages him to make the difficult decisions and take bold actions that keep the story going and adding tension. In your scenario, the prey getting cancer or etc does nothing but take away their choice, make it easier and possibly necessary, which won't be as engaging as a character making the choice to become prey a difficult choice for their own reasons

But you can't just say that such stories should make use of "dead prey" either, because that's asking people to ignore that scavengers and carrion eaters actually exist and are specifically evolved to do so. If you had a Vulture character eating dead prey, that would make sense, but when you're trying to suggest that a non-scavenger be, well scavenging for corpses, you're asking the audience to take a leap of logic for no apparent reason. This was presented as a "Werewolf" story, why even bother to make it a Werewolf if it's such a bad thing to write a Werewolf in any way that they have been traditionally characterized?

My real question is just what is the reason or point of any of this? This is just a bunch of rules that don't even make sense in universe, and removes all of the sources of drama and suspense that makes stories interesting, and contradicts itself just to leave the reader with no payoff other than getting lectured by one passive aggressive character who's confusingly hypocritical yet has no internal conflict.
He doesn't even have any external conflict, as you specifically imply that not only does the law agree with your characters opinion (presumably everywhere), but his own slaves also agree with his opinion, and appreciate him yet would "dismember" and tear apart anyone who violates his code, yet their enslavement and deaths at his hand are not a violation to them. But even that's not enough, you also implied that GOD also completely agrees with your characters opinions, that your character is so completely perfect that the entire universe and afterlife are defined by what your character does and doesn't like.

The only reason I'm critiquing this is because you've been critical of other people's stories too, and I'm sure you'd be critical of mine too. (I don't upload them) So I see this as a writing guideline directed at vore writers like me, but I don't think a single thing here would be a good idea at all, since they add absolutely nothing and remove what's important to stories like drama and character consistency.

Posted by alockwood1 2 years ago Report

Maybe it is a guideline, maybe I like writing my predators a certain way. You have your ways, I have mine.

Posted by alockwood1 2 years ago Report

Posted a few things. Feel free to look them over. As you can see in a couple of them - my Werewolves and Eggnog series - I can make some Morally Questionable predators, not to mention Fatal Vore.

Perhaps you should try posting some of your stuff. How can anyone know if you are a good writer if you don't post anything?

I'm willing to see my writing to be criticized - are you? I might end up enjoying some of your stuff, and you might end up enjoying some of mine. I've seen it happen - some of the folks I've criticized have enjoyed my stories, and others even watch me. Let's see how good you are - we might even become friends.

Posted by VampireBunny 2 years ago Report

Wow I didn't actually think you were butthurt about this for a whole month. What? Are you implying I have to show my own stuff publicly because you want some kind of rivalry? Since when did I mention popularity or follower counts?
My criticism was because I saw you were critical of other's stories and then proceed to make something that is much more of a writing guideline based on your issues with the work of others rather than a story, because it ends up causing logical flaws. You even accepted this as just being your guideline and I thought you left it at that

Posted by alockwood1 2 years ago Report

I ain't butthurt - I'm merely suggesting that you take a look at my stuff. If you don't want to, that's your choice. I just want you to see what I can do.

To be honest, I'm curious about the kind of writing my critics can produce compared to mine. Some actually inspire me to improve my own skills. Others, I actually feel sorry for, and end up helping out.

I have no rivals - only friends that I don't always see eye-to-eye with.