Uploaded: 2 years ago
Views: 13,505
File size: 15.15 KiB
MIME Type: application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document
Comments: 7
Favorites: 161
This is my first try at writing vore. I finally had some privacy at home to write this down. Feedback is welcome. I might try to get around to writing an alternate ending at some point.
Please login to post a comment.
Posted by Trying124 2 years ago Report
Very good for first piece of writing! The characters come off reasonably well. You get that bantering element of cruelty very nicely.
Only thing I would possibly suggest is feedback would be to make the digestion a bit longer.
Otherwise terrific! Hope to see more of your work in the future!
Posted by voregeek20 2 years ago Report
Thanks! I wanted to do more with the digestion but honestly I was running out of time while I was writing this. Next time I hope to linger there a bit longer.
Posted by Cl3F 2 years ago Report
If you get around to the alternate ending, it would probably be better if Nora gets even with both of her "parents". After all, while it was the mother doing the eating, it was the father's idea.
Posted by voregeek20 2 years ago Report
I don't want to spoil anything...but I have plans :)
Posted by umakeisee 2 years ago Report
This is great stuff. I can't wait to see more from you.
Posted by porky11 2 years ago Report
It's a real detail, but when I see something like this, I have to mention it:
>She’s right, Nora thinks I’m nothing but a fucktoy and food.
This sentence doesn't really make sense. Wrong punctuation. The comma implies "She's right" and "Nora thinks I'm nothing ..." to be separate clauses, while it would make more sense if it was "She's right, Nora thinks" and then "I'm nothing but ..."
I had to read it a few times until I got that.
I'd probably use apostrophes to indicate what's part of the thoughts here.
Posted by TMVore 1 year ago Report
This story gets my love. <3