Posted by Hibben 1 year ago Report

Wow, close one for Yang. Raven really cutting it close. Also, good to see Pyrrah cheating on her diet, and she even managed to keep it a secret.

Posted by jyoster 1 year ago Report

Mhmm. Pyrrha is going down a rabbit hole at the moment.

Posted by Animepoke12 1 year ago Report

Yang has alot of death flags im worried by the end of this entire story shes gonna get digested i hope not but its still a good story either way yang is just my favorite character so im just worried

Posted by jyoster 1 year ago Report

She definitely went through a lot.

Posted by Animepoke12 1 year ago Report

I hope she makes till the end but good story btw

Posted by jyoster 1 year ago Report

Thanks. Feel free to give more feedback if you can, we appreciate it.

Posted by TheCyberEmpire 1 year ago Report

Counted 20 belches...That's all I'm gonna say. x3

Just kidding: Another wonderful chapter! I'm wondering though, will there be like an interlude/intermission between Volume 2 and 3? Like what you and jyoster did with RWBY, JNPR,Coco and Velvet going to Patch for summer? Or are we going straight into Volume 3 next chapter? <w>

Dang...Pyrrha has broken the Little Rose's promise by eating the civilian in a alleyway..Oh well, at least the Champion got a filling snack and would have thiccer curves and bigger breasts after digesting the person. >w> ((I say snack because 1 person isn't enough for the Amazon Champion. 4 people would be a meal and 7 is overstuffed! XD))

I got nothing else to say besides amazing chapter and great belches as usual. I would say more, but I won't be on here for long. Reason why? Because there is no internet at my home for 2 months, and I'm using the internet at my workplace. So I'm limited HEAVILY online. Sadge for me. ;^;

Posted by jyoster 1 year ago Report

Ouch, sorry to hear that. Hopefully, you get internet soon.

But yeah, thanks for giving your feedback as always. And yeah, we do have something planned for an interlude chapter, though it remains to be seen whether we can make it work or not.

And yeah, the decision to make Pyrrha break Ruby's promise was a tough choice that we took a bit to decide on. This will likely have long-term consequences for the Amazon.

In any case, we'll be seeing you again in the next chapter. Hopefully, it doesn't take as long. But knowing me, I'll probably find a way to extend it far more than what's reasonable.

Posted by Goldendevil21 1 year ago Report

Do really enjoy how you expand on the scenes a little. You actually show Ruby struggling against the guards. Or how Ruby shouted ‘T-Torchwick!?’ Or Roman saying as the train is leaving, ‘…And if you get left behind, that’s on you!’

Great job on the personality of Ruby about how protective of her weapon she is. This is something I felt the show failed at in later seasons where Ruby is no longer a weapons geek. She no longer has that unhealthy obsession for Crescent Rose so is great to see that return to this chapter. How every time Roman insults her weapon, that always gets a reaction out of her.

Also liked this line; Perry gave Roman a thumbs up in response, less out of respect, more so to keep him in a good mood; Man, really enjoyed that line. While only a single sentence, it immediately lets us the audience know what the dynamic is between Roman and the White Fang. They do NOT like each other. Yet Perry recognizes that Roman is stronger than them and their boss (Adam) told him they needed to work together to bring down Vale. This is a forced alliance.

Also, just like how much Roman talks to the ‘captured’ Ruby. Rather than being a professional killer, he monologues but that never feels out of character for him. This is their third time meeting like this and rather than him running, this time he holds the cards. And no surprise that stalling would help in her escape.

Also like how Ruby’s phone did not send a signal to team JNPR at first. They are underground in a mountain far from the tower of Vale. It would be a shock if she DID get a signal.

While the part Ruby ate her whole team and then caught up to the train was fun, wanted that scene to be stretched out a bit more. Wanted to have Ruby waddle a little on top of the Caboose. Or how the wind pushes so much against her belly that she acts a bit like a sail that Dr. Oobleck must grab her from falling off. Or just Ruby telling her teammates to quiet down as she has to focus on catching up to a fast train.

A nick-pick, why is Yang worried about her hair being wet when they are travelling on a fast train where the wind is likely to dry her hair in a minute?

The battle with the cannon fodder White Fang was not the best. The parts I did like was how the ranged units had the advantage as there is basically no cover or a large surface area on the moving train. And how the melee units got defeated by team RWBY. Also how Ruby laid down sniper fire. The part I did not like was how they did not send the Mechs first. Those behemoths were massive and have proven fairly capable. Plus, your plan is to have the train ram itself into Vale with a bunch of Grimm behind you. How were you going to survive that?

Now, my absolutely favorite part about the chapter was Neopolitian. Not only did you do a good job copying the fight from the show but you also added your own spin on it as after Neo ate Yang (in a well deserved victory), she immediately met some sword user and after seeing her skill, rather than fight, ran. Using her semblance in a creative way to avoid and distract hordes of Grimm trailing behind the train as the sword user had to fight each Grimm that came her way. What a great use of the environment where Raven was forced to use her own powers of turning into a bird to follow Neo out of the cave. So well done.

Do feel like Neo is the only character who should do silent burps but that is just me.

Another great fight was between Weiss and the Lieutenant. Weiss was dancing around her slowing moving opponent who preferred raw power than speed. That slowness ended up costing him as Weiss could use her glyphs to basically dance around him. And the way she ate him was incredibly satisfying with how she used gravity to help swallow him in one gulp.

Did not like the part about Roman. Now will start with the positives. Great job with his fight with Ruby. How even after losing, he kept that smirk because he knew Ruby still lost. The train was on a collision course and bring untold destruction. Also, the part she stole his hat as she ate him was a nice touch. And was fun to see Ruby fight with a human sized belly against all the Grimm. My problem was felt like the story was setting up something sneaky. How during the fight and even after losing and knowing what Ruby does to prisoners, he never lost his cocky smirk. I thought this was clever foreshadowing where just like the previous battles, he has a plan to escape. My mind running wild with how he will get out of this sticky situation. Will he wait for the moment the train slams into the train stop and go flying out of Ruby’s mouth? Is he carrying special antiacid pills that dilute the acid in stomachs? (Something he uses with Neo) Basically turning Ruby into a pin cushion? Going the simple route of having him digested was not satisfying for me.

Did like how the two girls with giant bellies were struggling to move around. They are carrying around large meals. Also loved the part after the battle where Weiss is sitting down and questioning Ruby how she moves so easily with a giant meal.

Also love the part Coco allowed herself to be swallowed by a Grimm to eat everyone inside before blasting the Grimm apart from inside. A way to attack the Grimm from a unique angle but avoid hurting anyone inside. The addition they are part of her favorite clothing shop was a nice touch to show her character.

Did not like the part Weiss said they deserved extra credit. While Weiss does have a big ego and cares a lot about grades, she is still a Huntress. And huntress do not fail in their jobs to stop Grimm from entering the city of Vale. She should feel shame for the amount of people who died because of them.

Posted by jyoster 1 year ago Report

Thanks for your thoughts. And sorry for the late response.

And I do see that Roman's fate was left like that. It was a last-minute decision between us, so we didn't have much time to flesh it out. But it was done to change the formula up a bit, even if admittedly it could've been done better.

Posted by Goldendevil21 1 year ago Report

Thanks for responding to my review. And not sure to feel better or worse for Roman’s death to be a last-minute decision. On one hand, do agree this does mix up the story more. On the other hand, how this mixes up the story, I’m not sure. Roman died in Volume 3 and Neo hates the heroes because of that. Not sure what has changed there.

Read other people’s comments and slightly shocked that I was not the only one who though this like Thatguy8000 who thought such a big bad should have gone out with more grace. Even the show he, was killed him off quite quickly.

Though one thing that surprised me in the comments was sparing Yang from Neo. Now, killing off a main character is quite a leap. Even in my review, Neo absolutely deserved that victory. Using her skills to use Yang’s attacks against her and using her semblance to distract the hordes of Grimm to attack her pursuer. But fully understand that killing off a main character is quite a jump. The show is called RWBY.

Back to Roman, the reason I made a stink about it was because the villain ranks are shrinking in the main story while the good guys are all growing. RWBY, JNR, AceOps, Penny, Winter, Qrow, other academy teams. The good guy’s side is getting bigger and bigger in the story while the villains ranks either turn good guy or are killed off. Emerald and Hazel joined the good guys. Author Watts died off, Neo accepted suicide. Got these ideas from a youtube video from The Judgemental Critter called, Let’s Talk About RWBY’s Cast Bloat and in it, she did a great job showing why the villains are not threatening.

Posted by jyoster 1 year ago Report

That is a good point there. We'll have to see how to handle this going forward. But yeah, we could use more villains to balance out the cast. Perhaps we'll find a way to do that, not sure how at the moment, but feel free to throw in some suggestions if you have any good ideas.

Posted by Thatguy800 1 year ago Report

I was kinda hoping Roman would put up more of a fight and have a bit more dialogue. He is a slightly more important character after all.

Posted by Meruem 1 year ago Report

I expected yang to be digested, you should be less afraid of killing the cast, it's a vore fanfiction

Posted by Egads 1 year ago Report

Funnily enough, we thought about having her get digested, but decided against it because... well, there's still a lotta chapters to go lol. And also because there are some events that we were worried might break without her being included.

Posted by Meruem 1 year ago Report

But you will kill some cast menbers someday?
Like yang?

Posted by jyoster 1 year ago Report

That's still up for debate, as we have to think about what direction we want to take the story and whether killing someone or not will lead to an interesting result.

Posted by PrimeLvl37 1 year ago Report

You know I can see Blake being the type of person who would vore someone just to keep them safe until the threat is gone or somewhere safe then would let them out, I can also see Blake's mum, Kali would be the similar but would also vore someone because she is horny and would be sensual both doing the vore and afterwards while she has her eaten prey.