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WARNING // This story is dark. It contains graphic digestion-- meaning that there are blatant descriptions of blood, gore and extreme physical pain. The vore in this story is fatal. A small amount of humiliation and degradation takes place near the beginning. The predator is male, and the prey is female. If you are uncomfortable with any or all of these things, do not read this story.
---
Phew! Okay, now that I've hopefully shooed away anyone who doesn't want to be here, we can move on. I will admit that it isn't exactly common for me to be inspired to write a story, let alone motivated enough to finish one. Sometimes, however, there are exceptions to my usual pattern of behavior. Obviously this is one of them. :>
While I could have created a story using one-shot characters, I felt rather implored to write something using a few of my own characters so that I would already be familiar with their personalities and mannerisms-- and so that my fellow Portal residents can potentially get to know them a little better. The concept behind this story is essentially something I've always enjoyed the thought of-- an innocent maiden being fed to a monster-- but I'd like to think there's a bit more to it than that. It actually turned out even darker than I'd anticipated; let's just say that this is not a happy tale in any way whatsoever.
CHARACTERS //
Prey: http://rp.aryion.com/profile/Cerulesta
Predator: http://rp.aryion.com/profile/Caracalla
Facilitator: http://rp.aryion.com/profile/Heiden
If you want to read more about any of them, the profiles are there, but I'm really just linking them so you can have the proper images in your head. You may especially want to read some of Heiden's, because his motivations are not explained half as thoroughly in this story as they are in his profile. If it makes anybody feel any better, this is most definitely an "alternate universe" due to Caracalla being in captivity; the character normally lives freely at the bottom of the ocean.
The base concept behind this story was inspired by some of the ideas that LightVerse shared with me, so she should be acknowledged as well.
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Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report
That was... quite overwhelming. I was - in equal parts - disturbed, and pleased by the ongoing narrative. I think a common issue that plagues vore writers - and erotica writers as well - is that the outcome and the process itself is always the same. Whether it is the act of sex, or the act of eating, the processes, the sequence of events, they are all the same.
And that is the challenge we face as writers of vore/erotica. We seize the variations and we have to change it just enough to warrant attention, but to remain true to the nature all the same. Someone is being eaten again! Well, how can I make it /different/ this time. How can I engage the audience.
So that being said -
Technically, I loved your approach to the act itself, of eating and digesting. The words you used, the structure, the pacing, everything. And I can say honestly: I love it. (In another comment I'll parse out the sentences that I favor the most).
Emotionally, that is to say, how I /felt/ about it, I also very much liked this story. The external circumstances, the characters... they also created their own unique spin. I liked the twist, too, of the serpent/leviathan (?) responding.
Sometimes the act of predation itself is so hot, and I'm glad you focused on that, because - to me - that's how this story presented itself.
All primal consumption, no frills. And it was a hook from start to finish.
I daresay you've helped give me some ideas for future scenes of digestion (; (ssshhh)
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
Whoa geez @@;; I... honestly I'd kind of just been waiting to hear your response to this story, because I was seriously hoping that you would read and potentially enjoy it. But still, to hear your comments firsthand is just absolutely wonderful. Considering how much I admire your writing, it is an immense compliment to hear you say these things-- and I really, really mean that.
I am actually kind of curious about how this story comes across to somebody who doesn't know the characters themselves. Some of the readers will be familiar with at least one of them, since I play them regularly in the chatroom, which I think may give a slightly different perspective on the entire thing... did it feel to you like the characters were easy to comprehend, or did it not really feel like you "knew" them? That's a question I guess I'd like answered, even though you didn't make any remarks on the subject.
... Oh god I'm ridiculously excited to hear you say you might use this level of graphic description in digestion scenes. It's one of my favorite things, and I think with the dark tone of the story you've written so far, it would work well with your style of writing. But that may just be my bias speaking. >__>
Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for reading this, and I'm elated that you loved it as much as you did. <3
Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report
I did not feel like I "knew" the characters, because I don't (: However, I could get a "feel" for them. You did a great job getting across their individual natures and personalities.
For me, the focus was more on the predation itself. And the consumption. And that is what made it hot for me specifically! I could comprehend them just fine, and their personalities and behaviors never jumped out at me as - hey this is wrong! - it was all very smooth and very well-executed.
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
So it was easy enough to understand what they were like, then? They didn't feel totally one-dimensional? That was the main thing I wanted to address; I know there's no way you could really 100% "know" the characters because the story's only like 9 pages long. Sorry I didn't exactly phrase that the way I wanted to, but you essentially told me what I was hoping to hear. :>
I like putting a lot of focus on the vore itself, personally. It's the part of a roleplay I tend to draw out, and that trait ended up overlapping with my personal story-writing, in a way. I'm pleased that someone likes that, though! .. I also have to say that you're the first person who's actually said they like how "dense" my writing is; I've actually been criticized for that before, so it's interesting to hear that there are both people who like it and people who don't.
Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report
They didn't feel one-dimensional, if that was one of your concerns. (:
In fact, strangely enough, after everything was said and done, I found myself most-drawn to the mad scientist. I was sooo interested in learning more about him.
Personally, I like dense writing. You just want to be careful that you don't let it get away with you like a runaway train, smashing through everything and obscuring the subject and predicate. On occasion I do find myself re-reading some of your sentences because I didn't quite grasp what was happening. "wait... what happened again? Let me re-read that." You don't want people to drown in the verbiage (;
You seem to favor long complex sentences, and there is nothing wrong with that. I will write that way myself if its germane to the situation at hand... but sometimes quick, short little sentences really drive the point home. And make all the difference. And sometimes it really is author's preference. Syntax is powerful as you know!
Density is great, just make sure you're not making the sentence into a chore to read! It doesn't bother me personally (you write in the vein of Nathaniel Hawthorne and James Joyce) but I can see how it would trouble others!
You should just keep writing as far as I'm concerned!
Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report
You also have a writing style that I can enjoy immensely. Your writing is very dense. Meaning that it is not a light, cursory read. I have to sit here and wade through the paragraphs - every word and descriptor you use is important and chosen with much care. I can re-read some of your sentences and admire how well-crafted it was.
Some that stood out to me the most: Her eyes burned in a haze of bubbles, blossoming like infant diamonds in the clear water only to tragically expire as they kissed its frothing surface;
A purposeful twist of his palm tore her away from wallowing in disbelief to present her a scene fresh off the horror movie reel:
Instead, her wriggling only served to inch her deeper, closer to the core of his body where he wanted her the most... and to top it off, the damsel felt a low rumble resonate through her from seemingly everywhere at once, lush and potent, stirring her muscles to tremble and twist in place
And so much more (:
Thank you for writing this ~
Posted by Sindereal 12 years ago Report
Ruining the awesome comment train: INSERT SERIOUS COMMENT HERE.
I'll just. Babble at you about it at some point and not through text because lazy.
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
srs comment is srs. B| this is srs face
Posted by Sindereal 12 years ago Report
Your mom.
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
no u
Posted by Sindereal 12 years ago Report
get out
Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report
U MAD
Posted by Sindereal 12 years ago Report
nope! owo
(I also have to say you're one of the best commenters I've seen! Off topic.)
Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report
Haha lol just playing. Thanks (:
Posted by MidnightRose 12 years ago Report
...
You're, like, a goddess at writing. I feel ashamed my stories aren't nearly as beautifully done as yours. Hell, I'd say mine suck in comparison. I can't help but be jealous. XD DAT DETAIL.
To sum my review up: Jesus Christ. *heart attack*
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
aaaaaaaaa
I think calling me a "goddess" is a little bit much, man @@;; And you should never feel ashamed! I sincerely doubt that your stories are as bad as you think they are-- heck, I should probably be reading them anyway since I'm betting they'll be 'my sort of thing', but I think you're being way too hard on yourself.
... On a lighter note, "DAT DETAIL" made me laugh way too much, damn it all. B| fff.
Posted by MidnightRose 12 years ago Report
Lol, no need for modesty, I really do think you're that good. :p
You really don't have to check mine out if you don't wanna; a lot of them are sexual. @.@ But thanks, haha.~
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
Having sex in a story does not by any means ruin the story for me. I personally just don't tend to write it, but I've got no problem reading it. I've done it before, to say the least, so you can't use that as an excuse to deter me >3>
Thank you though, really. I'm flattered that you think so highly of my writing.
Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report
If you want my body and you think I'm sexy... c'mon sugar let me know. (lol don't ask. Couldn't resist) I think sexified vore is awesome. I'll need to check out your stuff Rose!
Posted by Dragonic_Wolf 12 years ago Report
Good gosh woman...gosh... I do not think any comment I type up could do this justice. I mean, our preferences in vore are practically identical and the way you approached and paced this out alongside your beautiful writing and choice of words is completely overwhelmingly AMAZING. *o*
The dark twisted involvement of emotions on both sides and of course all of the sexy descriptions , ALL OF THEM, the environment the characters the swallowing... and I have to place special emphasis on the digestion. Ngggggh, the words you used were enough to make me squirm in emphasizing the pain. you sick. you so sick. I like it.
Caracalla is so loveable. I have to say again. In addition there is something so SO beautiful about describing movement in water. Flowy~ @@
And oh, oh my gosh I was so pleased to see Heiden in here too. I am a fan of his. >u>""" adfsdf.
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
fhdfjladhfjkdfl dammit DW I can't handle all these compliments
I figured that you'd really like this story because it's all dark and horror-esque and that stuff is right up your alley, but your reaction still kind of blows my mind. To hear that you enjoyed it on THAT level is like... man, it makes my day to know that even one person thought my writing and the concepts behind it were ridiculously hot. I mean, you and I both know that the majority of people are going to actually shy away from stories like this because of the content, so I feel like every person I please with it really counts. :>
... I'm also doubly glad you like my characters because I can't deny that I adore them too. @@; I was excited when I saw the opportunity to place three of my own characters in a story and actually make it work. Yeah, maybe I'm kind of self-centered for choosing to use my personal OCs instead of creating new characters for the story, but I don't think I would have been able to get this kind of result otherwise because I have attachments to these characters and know exactly how they're going to think and act. To me, that makes a big difference.
And yes. I am sick. Thank you for saying so. <3 If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that you'd get some kind of demented delight out of the whole graphic digestion segment like I did while I was writing it. >___>
Posted by Enveloper 12 years ago Report
It's good to see well-deserved praise from others for your darker slant on this. It was a riveting read, indeed :) I've always had a leaning toward such, as you may have heard, and this was just a delight to lay eyes upon. I'm a bit awash in mem'ries, cheers to your nourishing work.
Posted by Cerulesta 12 years ago Report
I had a feeling that you would probably enjoy this one, but to hear that assumption affirmed by you personally just serves to make it all the better. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read it and for showering me in such compliments... you're going to make me blush.
Posted by THExDARKxSANDMAN 11 years ago Report
one of my favorite vore stories, i actually stay away from graphic digestion, blood, death, and the darker side of vore but this was a masterpiece. the picture painted by this story is melancholy and intriguing. by the end she was so resigned to her fate she was happy that if she had to die at least she was providing nutrients for the predator. gave me chills 5/5 stars
Posted by Cerulesta 11 years ago Report
To know that somebody who doesn't normally favor this sort of material could enjoy my story to the level you describe is an incredible honor. It pleases me beyond what I can easily type out to know that my writing is good enough, at least in the opinion of some people, to extend beyond the target demographic. Thank you so much. <3 And I must also offer a second thanks for giving this story a chance, despite it not being "your thing".
Posted by Kenkii 11 years ago Report
I'm speechless. This was an absolute gem to read - start to finish.
Really fantastic storytelling is such a rarity in this community. Great, great work!
Posted by Cerulesta 11 years ago Report
Oh wow, thank you @@;; I am honored to hear that you think this story is among the better ones on this site... that's a really enormous compliment.