Lovely story, but I have two editorial notes:
1# In paragraph where twilight is swallowing Ray you have the wrong gender pronoun at one points you say she swallowed "her" tail.
2# is also the slight word choice when you talking about Twilight walking around with digested Ray in her bowels you effectively say she lumbered lumberously, best not to use verb with its adverb form.
Posted by Redpod 10 years ago Report
nice digestione je :d
Posted by SmaxTheDestroyer 10 years ago Report
Awesome story! Twilight Pred is great!
Posted by AuraDrak 10 years ago Report
Very immpressive!
Posted by Voraverit 10 years ago Report
Lovely story, but I have two editorial notes:
1# In paragraph where twilight is swallowing Ray you have the wrong gender pronoun at one points you say she swallowed "her" tail.
2# is also the slight word choice when you talking about Twilight walking around with digested Ray in her bowels you effectively say she lumbered lumberously, best not to use verb with its adverb form.
Posted by InvalidResponse 10 years ago Report
Thank you.
Posted by DethXev 10 years ago Report
Not a fan of MLP but I just loved the digestion/scat details ;)
Posted by TrixietheVoracious 10 years ago Report
Nghh, Trixie approves. Twi as a pred is just too cute.
Posted by dudey64 8 years ago Report
Nice work, Twi giving a lucky pony an experience of a lifetime.