Posted by Groblek 10 years ago Report

Nice! I think this is the first take on breast vore I've seen that hasn't made me wince at the anatomical improbability of the concept. Well done!

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

Thanks! Working out a moderately plausible scenario involved looking at the wikipedia article for "nipple" and scratching my head for an hour.

Posted by Adseria 8 years ago Report

Sounds fun! :D

Posted by bighead 10 years ago Report

I think it's been suggested before, but CV would definitely be fun.

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

Yep, I think CV will probably be next. It would have been this week, but the last two "Meeta" stories I wrote featured it and I didn't want to get into a rut.

Posted by bighead 10 years ago Report

Yeah, that's understandable. Still, should be interesting to see it in a more science based universe. Whatever it is, I'm sure the next chapter will be good.

Posted by ShadesofBlack 10 years ago Report

Know what would be fantastic? A portable version of the HDTF, wearable as a bracelet or perhaps a necklace or belt. The purpose? To create a contained field that includes only the wearer and those who are within a few inches of them (or in direct contact.) The adventures a good natured minx could get up to with that would be phenomenal, and a big market-catch for public/secret use. Of course, they'd have to be careful who they let wear it, because the escapades a bad-natured seductress could get up to could be the reasons for half the names on a missing persons list.

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

Absolutely! I definitely think this is eventually going in that direction. I know there is going to start to be a "marketing" phase in future stories.

Posted by DRayElliott 10 years ago Report

It'd also be a hell of a way to smuggle people out of hostile territory, like defectors, spies, or kidnapped VIP's. Or smuggle IN an entire company of Marines.

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

Very true. THAT would certainly be a shift in tone for this story.

Posted by ShadesofBlack 10 years ago Report

Or for a less military alternative, maybe just smuggling some friends into a concert, or the movies, or ... carpooling. Just need a suitcase with everyone's clothes in, a driver, and a passenger "carrier."

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

That'll work too.

Posted by Peterdens 10 years ago Report

you can turn someone in to a Skinsuit with the Enhancements on the HDTF?

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

You certainly could! We might see that happen with the flattened lady we've seen previously.

Posted by Darian 10 years ago Report

I'm re-reading this series at the moment, though I'm sure I should actually be studying for finals. As such, I'm afraid my comment won't be as... detailed as I'd like. But there are a few things though.

First, I like how you've worked out the setting, theme and tone of the series so far. I'm pretty sure the scientific jargon isn't accurate, but the attention to detail is a very nice touch. Also, the sheer ridiculousness of the series sets the suspension of disbelief very nicely! I can easily tell this sort of story isn't meant to be dramatic or serious, which makes sex and the comedy much more enjoyable.

The main problem I kinda have so far is the presentation of the characters. Besides their names, I sometimes have difficulty painting an image of them in my head, even with the very nice first person view of their experiments and escapades. I loose track of which naked lady is doing what. These are supposed to be different personalities and body types, different people: It's getting easier to tell them apart in simple conversation, which makes the introductions and non-sex dialogue so very interesting to me. I'd suggest, however, as a writer, to try and make each of them a bit more fleshed out, and easily identifiable with their dialouge and first person narration. It wouldn't hurt to describe in a bit more detail what their bodies look like throughout the story, for a more whole and vivid image of what's being warped in the experiments. Eye, skin and hair color, body and limb shape... little details that make them unique, and thier personalities very recognizable.

I know that criticism is a bit vauge, but I'm reading and commenting for fun at the moment, and don't have much time on this break.

I will say this though... I've kinda hit a late night brainstorm idea reading this... what if there are other 'mad scientists' who have had to turn to 'alternative methods' of funding to continue/fix their work, and wouldn't they be interested in collaboration with the HDTF girls?

Idea 2, while the episodes are very, very sexy, they're working for a company... and the porn company may start making demands of the girls to produce more or different materials... they might even send in... 'a manager/director!' *SHOCKGASPHORROR* It'd be an interesting way to make the behind the camera parts of this series more dramatic. These are interns and scientists, not actors. There may be a clash there, for hijinks and shennanigans. Seeing Brit get all 'miffed scientist' in the face of porn is a great entertainment.

Honestly, I had an idea of a porn star used to working with different 'scientific accidents' asking to work with the HDTF girls and making a real adult feature-length movie... and the HDTF team finding out that some parts of the porn industry DON'T use cgi or props to make their tentacle monsters...

Posted by Darian 10 years ago Report

Heck, i want to write that last thing myself, actually. Not sure when I'd have the time, but it be cool if you're okay with it.

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

Sure I'm okay with it! Write away! (And good luck with your exams. Sorry to be distracting you!)

Posted by marloweny 10 years ago Report

Wow! A big, detailed critique! As far as I know, the jargon is indeed not accurate. (If it was accurate, probably someone would have built this thing by now.) The ridiculousness was on purpose, too. It really helps get explain away how easily people go along with the impossibility of the events.

You'll have no disagreement from me about the flatness of the characters. It was more or less on purpose. My thinking was "oh, for goodness sake. You're writing porn. You've already wasted enough time on setting, skip the character stuff and just do some sex." My other series is pretty plot and character heavy, so this was a contrast. It got worse once the character count started to skyrocket. I do have a little document describing the key differences between the characters, though, so there are SOME things that differentiate them (besides height variances, chest variences, and hair color). Julia is more fun loving, Sam, more caring, Lana incredibly submissive, Carla airheaded, etc.

The whole "Mad Science Kink" show format was another attempt to shift the focus on just the kinkiness to keep a 2000 word piece of smut from becoming a 4000 word wall of text I don't have time to write. I'm sure it can be taken all sorts of fun directions, and I may deepen it up if I find myself with plenty of time, but for now it'll probably stay light on that stuff.

If I do start fleshing things out, an antagonist in the form of the person holding the purse strings and thus calling the shots is an excellent way to do it. Rivalry of any kind (other mad scientists, an old pro joining the team, etc) is certain to make the story more interesting. Very good ideas.

Posted by ShadesofBlack 3 months ago Report

This is STILL one of my old favorites! I lately have kept thinking about a story idea, where an AMAB gender fluid Mad Science Kink fan consentually "borrows" a couple friends or partners to help them present their femme form without using breast-forms. They really want to wear a dress out for a dance date that they just can't wear a bra with and can't seem to get their forms to look good in. Could also work with any woman -trans or cis- who just hasn't "bloomed" much in the breast department. Maybe if it gets fleshed out enough in my head, I'll write it if you don't mind.

But if you ever beat me to it or use this idea more yourself, hot damn will I enjoy it!

Posted by marloweny 3 months ago Report

Sounds like a fun idea!