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A sequel to "Too Crowded" (http://aryion.com/g4/view/289529). The woman who couldn't handle a simple elevator ride thanks to her terrible claustrophobia has a word with HR about the consequences.
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I'm not sure when to draw the line and stop calling these quickies.
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Posted by KrasnyiKoiot 9 years ago Report
Phew, a fun follow-up! Really fast points of action are a hard-write, but I feel you nailed it here.
With the bit about the subway at the end, aaah. I like where this is going @~@
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
Thanks! I realized i hadn't done a major feeding frenzy like this and wanted to try it. It was supposed to finish the story up, but i couldn't resist that ending.
Posted by KrasnyiKoiot 9 years ago Report
Ha, right on. Fun read, either way!
Posted by ninth 9 years ago Report
Good stuff as always on these Quickies
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
Thanks!
Posted by TheTastefulGentlman 9 years ago Report
A bit of funny porn is always welcome, this sequence felt a bit like an absurdest comedy skit.
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
Porn needs more punchlines.
Posted by Throat_Wolf 9 years ago Report
Heh. These stories are fun new twists on the cliché of the "grab and gulp" story. They're more of "grab, grab, gulp, shove, grab, gulp, gulp, grab, shove, shove..."
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
It was an exercise in "how can a panicked person consume the most people in the shortest amount of time."
Posted by Throat_Wolf 9 years ago Report
It was fun. And I do like the idea of granted vore ability leading to a pred who is not only unwilling but possibly more surprised than their prey.
I need to do something along those lines in the Neko/Vore Campus one of these days. A really playful multi-tailed kitsune might pull it off, I think...
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
I'm currently enthralled by the concept of unaware/unwilling predators.
Posted by SSJBura 9 years ago Report
Great follow up!!! She's a very interesting character!
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
Thanks! The idea that she doesn't quite understand what's the big deal about eating people, and the fact that people aren't quite making as big a deal as they really should, is fun for me.
Posted by soline 9 years ago Report
This is superb! :D I do love the idea of this poor 'unwilling' predator.
And quite like the thought of her heading to a bar to drown her sorrows, cutting to waking up with a hangover the next afternoon and realizing she /still/ hasn't let the cute guy out her ass....oh yeah, and everyone else.
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
I'm really happy you like it! It's funny how the shortest, simplest premises tend to end up with the most fun directions to go.
Posted by Kreed360 9 years ago Report
if you do another one that follows after this, I'd recommend making it so she keeps her cool for the first part of the subway (getting a ticket and getting on and whatnot), but as soon as she steps into the actual subway car she cracks. Also how many people can she hold?
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
Sounds like the proper way to make it happen.
Posted by bijuusama 9 years ago Report
nicely done. you managed to be very descriptive without dragging things out and killing the moment. and on top of that, it was funny. i do hope there is a sequel, and i especially hope we'll see more of that HR woman. i'm curious to how she'll react after her "experience"
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
Thanks! I'd never actually intended to write THIS sequel, but I seem to keep coming up with endings that beg for more. You'll probably see more from this story.
Posted by SuntMan 9 years ago Report
My new headcannon: this is possible because the HTDF has permanent effects on the development of the kids it was used on at birth.
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
... And yet another reader puzzles out one of my potential plot ideas. Well done!
Posted by SuntMan 9 years ago Report
Gals you like it :)
Posted by SuntMan 9 years ago Report
damn spell check failed me.
Posted by VincentShadowScale 9 years ago Report
mhmm~ I wonder what happens if she gets stuck in traffic with a ton of cars for too long...
Posted by marloweny 9 years ago Report
Good question... At the very least, if there was anyone else in the same car they'ed be in trouble. Though she seemed to have no trouble slurping people up clothes and all, so I suppose it's possible she could handle something like a car...
Posted by VincentShadowScale 9 years ago Report
heh, I hope she doesn't get transferred to New York or something~
Posted by Jack_D_Koy 8 years ago Report
Super Nintendo Chalmers