Uploaded: 9 years ago
Views: 6,506
File size: 933.98 KiB
MIME Type: application/rtf
Comments: 8
Favorites: 57
Alright, this one contains a little girl being eaten, and then her bones being discarded, so like... yeah.
Sorry it took so long; I'm surprised I found time to finish it when I did. Another monster-on-girl story into the pile O: This one takes place in some post-apocalyptic desert where nomads are at the mercy of terrifying monsters that live in the sand. Yaaaaaaay. Merry Christmas, you depraved people. :D
Please login to post a comment.
Posted by Junogray 9 years ago Report
Very nice, well done thru and thru, normally I can find a few mistakes scattered around stories like these but I couldn't find much beyond one instance of 'her' instead of 'here' so great accuracy award for you.
I hadn't known about your writing before but you seem to have similar tastes, that's always a joy to find.
Posted by Cuddlekins 9 years ago Report
Ah lol o: Well, I hope you go through and read my other stories then :D
Posted by Junogray 9 years ago Report
Definitely will do
Posted by temporos 9 years ago Report
Very enjoyable. Thanks for this. ^_^
Posted by Cuddlekins 9 years ago Report
Hey, thanks for reading o:
Posted by Agora 9 years ago Report
As requested (I'm amused the first is on the FIRST line XD):
"Being lost in the desert alone wasn't the worst thing that could've happened her her," -> to her
"Alight, now hand over" -> Not sure if accent or misspelled 'All right'.
"Verda saw it's long, segmented brown body" -> its
"The worm's mandibles slowly opened, revealing it's wide" -> its
The aforementioned: "The floor in her is totally solid" -> here
"It's body seemed to undulating in a weird way, and it's mouth" -> Its /its
"tiny, fleshy hole that it was its throat" -> that was its
"the writing passage of its throat" -> writhing?
-------
I still feel like an ass for pointing these out, even if you vehemently requested we do so! I should PM them next time :x
I'll admit I'm not too much of a "monster eat girl" fan, but this was still a decent read regardless!
Posted by Cuddlekins 9 years ago Report
Well, either way, it's helpful, and I plan on making the edits soonish. O:
I guess I like ?/F stuff since it lets me focus on the prey without the pred being too much of a distraction. When I write the usual stuff, I jump around a bit, which is fine, but here, it's just a smooth ride with the hapless victim from beginning to end. O:
Also, as for your comment on my blog, I tweaked some options on the poll, so give it a shot, real quick. I dunno why this keeps happening, or if it's affecting anyone else, soo... :c
Posted by Agora 9 years ago Report
Interesting to read that you find describing the prey's experience is what it's all about! Now that I think back, your preds have indeed often been rather silent, it all makes sense now.