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A young mermaid's been caught by some humans, and is cooked up in a vore restaurant. She's surprisingly okay with being cooked up and served, all things considered.
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This is my first time posting, so any comments or critiques or feedback or whatever are appreciated. Still trying to get my feet wet, as it were.
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Posted by Rendezvore 5 years ago Report
While I tend to gloss over the hard vore parts, this short piece was nicely written. The sensual deep frying was right up my alley with some descriptors I hadn't really thought of before and only a few minor spelling errors.
Personally I have a habit of wanting to know what brought a scene about, how it happened initially, why the character has reason to be a willing participant, and if there is more to the setting used here, so if this was a teaser, consider me thoroughly teased! XD~
Posted by Bellybook 5 years ago Report
Thanks for the feedback and the kind words! I'll definitely hadn't considered putting in more of the "before," but I'll make a point to put that in future stuff. I don't necessarily intend to sequel this, but this is more-or-less what my real world vore world is in my head, so any stuff I write that has that sort of theme will probably have this setting. So it's kind of a teaser, I suppose.
Posted by TheVoreEngineer 5 years ago Report
In terms of feedback, I can't actually super elaborate more over what Rendez has already said, because from my perspective as well, I really did quite enjoy how you described the situation that Valerina faced and how you conveyed the scene in words. However, what the story lacks are the things that turn a story from a nice bite to a hearty meal for lack of better comparisons. While what you've posted is very nice, it lacks the depth that makes it feel like a properly interesting read. The buildup is an important element to a story simply because it makes the reader crave the scene, rather than be presented with it. It also allows you to help flesh out characteristics and dispositions that make characters feel more than a narrative piece designed to display a specific event.
TL;DR Rendezvore's comment but with more analysis of why a buildup is important.
Posted by Bellybook 5 years ago Report
That's really interesting, thank you. I have trouble coming up with scenarios as to the why, but you're right, they are important.