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Metroid 35: Samus Doesn't Eat Mother Brain By ZeldaNoVorsu -- Report

There are just all sorts of big Nintendo anniversaries this year, huh? Zelda's 35th in February, Donkey Kong's 40th in July, Metroid's today, and Kid Icarus's in December. Normally, the theme for these are that the "damsel-in-distress" eats the big bad boss that kidnapped her. The problem for the original Metroid is three-fold then. One: there is no "damsel-in-distress." That's solved by Nintendo taking the bold move of having a strong female protagonist, and in the 1980s too. Two: "Mother Brain is kind of awkward for her to eat size, shape, and, well, just in thinking about..." That's hardly stopped us here before. Three: "The defeat of Mother Brain initiates a countdown sequence." That and partly problem two were what made me want to switch up who Samus ate. Fortunately,  derpsquid42 and I brainstormed, and I came up with the idea of her eating the player (the reader in this case) for seeing her in her underwear (the "reward" for beating the game in under an hour) as a "reward" and being horny over it. Squid suggested I make the player worse by having them cheat to get the time (and then have Samus say a certain line while digesting them). So that's how you became the big bad in this story that Samus gobbles up (and why she's rather cruel about doing so <don't treat women as objects, kids, it's a horrible thing to do>).

Comment on Metroid 35: Samus Doesn't Eat Mother Brain

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Comments
derpsquid42

Posted by derpsquid42 3 years ago Report

Imagine cheating just to see Samus in her underwear. Couldn't be me.
(Mostly because A. The internet exists, and B. I couldn't pull of that skip even if I wanted to)

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derpsquid42

Posted by derpsquid42 3 years ago Report

*off

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ZeldaNoVorsu

Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 3 years ago Report

Well, once she gets to the internet age, you might be in trouble.

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SmaxTheDestroyer

Posted by SmaxTheDestroyer 3 years ago Report

Wish I could say I was above such Pervy action but… I was young and stupid once. Perv gets what he deserves, and best not-Zelda gets a good meal after a job well done. See you next Mission Samus!

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ZeldaNoVorsu

Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 3 years ago Report

Better be careful about you tell that or else her next mission might end with you as her meal.

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SmaxTheDestroyer

Posted by SmaxTheDestroyer 3 years ago Report

You say that like she doesn’t know and hasn’t gulped me many many times… I’m on her list of ‘meal bois’…

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ZeldaNoVorsu

Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 3 years ago Report

Well, when you keep coming back, she sees that as an excellent food supply.

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SmaxTheDestroyer

Posted by SmaxTheDestroyer 3 years ago Report

Exactly~

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