Posted by SmaxTheDestroyer 1 year ago Report

Loving this series~ man poor Tuckson tho….

Posted by Goldendevil21 1 year ago Report

This chapter could benefit from a grammar checker. Found a few sentences that did not flow well. A few extra commas in other areas. You can still follow the story but was slightly distracting.

Though will say this, LOVE how the story takes a moment to describe how the girls have changed since the last chapter. Their stomachs are now flat and hungry. Showing that they really did exercise as well as shows they are hungry. And just love the extra padding on the girls. Ruby with her bust and hips, Blake with her butt.

Though did find the criminals in the car being silent as Ruby and Blake talked so casually was a bit weird. Fire a rocket. Start cussing at them. Talk to them. Though thankfully this is not a big problem as they eventually find their voices.

Though did really enjoy Ruby commenting on their terrible aim. They are in a civilian setting where just firing randomly can result in civilian casualties. That, and makes sense the marksmen of team RWBY knows this.

Did really enjoy how the criminals got away with Ruby and Blake at first just trying to disarm them instead of going for the kill or immediately eating them. Then when Ruby made the choice to eat them, do love how they took advantage of that distraction with the civilians to toss a grenade into a building then get away in a new car. Was a nice subverting of my expectations.

I LOVED the part Mercury picked up a rose petal off the floor. They were only gone an hour ago so Ruby’s petals were still nearby. And petals would stick out in a library. That was great set-up and execution.

And maybe this is me reading too many other RWBY vore stories but just love how Tuskon treats Mercury and Emerald as equal threats. While only one can eat him, he knows that they are both dangerous.

Also great job on Mercury and Emerald’s interaction. They are co-workers who both do evil things together but they still have some friendly banter between them.

Really enjoyed Emerald eating Tukson. First, Mercery helped her with her meal. Showing he really is her partner. Second, shows how much Emerald enjoys this as she flat out says she wishes their were more of him. Third, shows that moving with such a full belly is a little hard with her knocking into a bookshelf.

Though did enjoy how Roman Torchwick was able to weasel out some concessions from Cinder after she ate a thief. Showing not only that she is in a better meal when full but also that he knows how to negotiate.

Posted by CommodoreNeil 1 year ago Report

MY GRAMMER CHECKS HAVE FAILED ME

Damn I'm slipping

Anyway nice to see a comment review from you.

Having the crooks get away this time was a bit of a moment for Ruby and Blake. Specifically Ruby, when they made a comment about her lacking the gluttonous ruthlessness that most predators would have(and other Ruby's in other RWBY vore stories would have). How easy it is to throw away their morals in the name of filling their bellies.

Ruby staunchly refuses to do that, which is its own limiter over herself, because in this particular vorish RWBY world she remains steadfast in her righteousness. Which of course sometimes costs her, because they managed to get away becsuse she didn't choose to eat them outright.

Do appreciate you liking that Tukson sees both Emerald AND Mercury as threats.Vore is ultimately another tactic-albiet a pleasing one-of defeating an enemy at the end of the day, it's not the only threat to be faced.

Mercury casually shrugs off that anyone would bother to care enough about a cowardly backstabber like Tukson to be bothered that he's gone. Now remember what that crook said about Ruby having a big bleeding heart...

I do like writing a RWBY vore story where Cinder and Roman actually get along for once. She's clearly the higher power in their relationship, but he knows how to even things out by appealing to her likes and interests. As you said, a negotiator.

Same goes for the entire baddie group so far. They sincerely get along and actually work together quite well.

Which can be very dangerous for their enemies, good or evil.

Posted by Goldendevil21 1 year ago Report

Oh, I thought the crooks escaping in the first scene was less to do with Ruby wanting to eat them sooner and more to do with how she did a poor job disarming and capturing them. How she wanted to eat them so bad that she let her guard down. But that is how I read the scene.

Posted by CommodoreNeil 1 year ago Report

To be fair that's also a fair conclusion.

Tis really a combination of her good nature, restraining her gluttony, her still being a newbie(inexperience) and these crooks being smarter than the usual.

Can't eat em' all. :V

Posted by Desktopjesus 1 year ago Report

Poor Tuskon..

Do like how this all goes down differently and the early on fight with the criminals, just because they can vore them..doesn't mean they're less of a challenge to fight.

Hoping we get to see more of other characters, I do wonder how good of a Pred Glynda is and if Winter will try to give Weiss tips if she's a pred.

Posted by ItsJD 9 months ago Report

Currently reading thru the chapters.
Glad to find a multi part written work. That just has Vore without all the extra stuff.
Great story so far.

Posted by doomed 4 months ago Report

I love Blake’s comment about the criminals gambit being pragmatic. This is one of the disadvantages of having merciless killers as the city’s protectors . Villains think that they’re gonna die anyway if they’re caught . So rather than surrendering most are just gonna fight harder and use more risky tactics to escape . Which is shown by the guy throwing grenades at civilians when ruby tried to eat him. It was a cold hearted gambit , but a logical and pragmatic one .

Posted by CommodoreNeil 4 months ago Report

Self fulfilling prophecy.

In a world like this, villains wouldn't be dying if they didn't also do stuff that would actively get other people killed.

Risks like this are a two way street, which they conveniently don't wanna acknowledge.