Posted by sansuki 14 years ago Report

If this is an experiment, you need to spend more time in your lab. This was delightful; not sure what else to say. The dialogue worked great for your purposes, the descriptions were good... Though I will say that a southern drawl on a man doesn't have quite the same effect on me. <_<

You probably didn't need to tag this with Bittersweet Realities, though. :p

Posted by Bitter 14 years ago Report

I contend that Worship did not require "That Old Time Religion", nor "(Slight)" in front of "digestion".

Besides, the Bittersweet Realities is my catch-all multiverse for general fantasy, especially that which doesn't necessarily take place in medieval stasis. (See also "An Unusual Craving".)

Posted by Sehnsucht 14 years ago Report

I loved the voice, both the narrator and the sweet-and-thoughtful rattler. It's very natural, and as a result the story is littered with genius little turns of phrase like "because I'll be damned if I ever willingly spent my last moments humping some snake-bitch what did me an injury," and "She saw his spirit still in them (and it says something that she knew she had to check)." The humour kept things light. All-in-all, an exceptional take on a simple vore scene.

Posted by 4ofSwords 14 years ago Report

I have to agree with Mr. London - the streets of this story are littered with gold pavers. My particular favorite was:

"Now, there is only one good response to a question like that, and that's to yell "Git her, boys!" and have your posse jump out from behind the rocks..."

with a close second in: "and holstered him with just her hips".

I've never run into no desert naga, neither, and I thought that was a clever stroke.

Now I'm a California native transplanted into Georgia, and I have to say that even in my backwoodsiest journeys I've never run into an accent as difficult to understand as hers was to read, neither in this South or in the Southwest (and I'd reckon those tend to be some different kind of accents as you move from humid to dry), so I'd say there's one place maybe to tune the experiment - maybe just stick with diction, word choice, and phrasing, and let the accent take care of itself in our minds? (Unless you meant for the rattler to be hard for Kenain to be understand, in which case it works since we read it through his point of view.)

Great story, though, no matter how you look at it!

Posted by Bitter 14 years ago Report

Perhaps it's best to say the accent is meant to approximate the ultra-exaggerated tones used in old Westerns rather than that actually used in the Old West. Never forget to take into account the media poisoning my brain suffers from. XP

Or, for that matter, my tendency to live by the adage "if some is good, more is better".

Posted by French_snack 13 years ago Report

I seem to have been missing out on some good stories here. I agree with the above; you have some delightful turns of phrase. And I think I know exactly the type of accent you mean. I was able to hear it in my mind when she spoke; quite lovely.

Posted by Imrhys 13 years ago Report

I can't believe I didn't comment to this in its original run. The thing I liked was the strike. How quickly it disabled him, and how contradictory she talks so sweetly to him after "landing" him. Made me wish she'd take a fancy to him and let him recover instead from the poison and befriend him, not make a lunch of him. But that just added to the pleasure of the story, that tension within me.

Not a huge fan of accented dialogue, but when it is done well it is magical.

Posted by Bright 13 years ago Report

I did hear some old western guy talk in my head when I read this.

Nice story too.