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Talk to the Animals By IvesBentonEaton

Uploaded: 1 year ago

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Comments: 7

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This is Zōēā’s second story. The first is "Food Chained" at https://aryion.com/g4/view/425609.

Zōēā makes her first journey outside the Velnēs, the jungle she calls home. There, she meets a wizard, a lover, and a dinosaur with a taste for everything it can catch…

Edited 11/28/2017 to make minor corrections.

As always, comments are welcome, but not expected.

Comment on Talk to the Animals

IvesBentonEaton: Any comment is fine, but constructive criticism is particularly welcome. Error reports are best sent by private message; they will be noted and the offending bugs terminated with extreme prejudice.

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Comments
illirium

Posted by illirium 1 year ago

This one was a fun adventure, definitely like an engaging campaign from a vore-themed D&D session. Which is no bad thing at all! :D I would make a couple of notes for the constructive criticism bit, though neither of them is a huge deal by any means. The first is that the "Ass End" pun feels a little bit over-played when the village is first introduced and described. It's a very fitting name for a good old-fashioned hive of scum and villainy, mind you, but... Just mentioned a bit too often in that part of the story, I think. :P Another minor point is that I feel our Mr. Mastersten gets a *tiny* bit too exposition-ey while describing the quest to Zōēā; the only point where this really bothered me was when he mentioned the jewels hidden within the dagger. It... doesn't really feel he has a reason to mention them at that point, and really, why would he be trusting enough to mention the valuable jewels to someone he's just met? I rather like Mastersten's character on the whole, though. :) Oh, and, um, maybe the description of the love scenes, especially the second one, was... a teeensy bit over-done? But this last complaint, I think, is just a matter of the reader's taste. I quite like your writing style on the whole. :)

My favourite part, though, was the staircase of smoke... Just a lovely idea! :D

[ Reply ]

IvesBentonEaton

Posted by IvesBentonEaton 1 year ago

Thank you for your comments. You have a point about the jewels; there is no need for Mastersten to mention them prior to the recovery of the dagger. As for the exposition, well, pedantry is an occupational hazard of wizardry. Also, don't overlook the tendency of males to talk too much around attractive females. Even wizards can be rather stupid that way.

I claim no expertise in writing love scenes. One maxim of writing is to "write what you know". In that respect, all of my knowledge is at second remove (or further). Those are always difficult scenes for me to write, but I do not doubt for one moment that if I condensed them I'd get complaints about that, too.

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IvesBentonEaton

Posted by IvesBentonEaton 1 year ago

Oh, and the staircase spell is smoke stairs from the Spell Compendium.

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illirium

Posted by illirium 1 year ago

Ah, I was not aware of it, but in either case, you used it well. :) As a side note, are you by chance a reader of Sir Terry Pratchett? :D

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IvesBentonEaton

Posted by IvesBentonEaton 1 year ago

Of course. I'm civilized. All my camel brethren tell me that this is true for at least three data points. :P

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sweetladyamy

Posted by sweetladyamy 9 months ago

Ah, turning a vapor into a solid platform. Low-level, basic Alteration magic.
I don't mind the 'drawn out' sex scenes at all. Hell, that level of description is more than enough to imagine it in full detail as if it were a Bollywood film.

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IvesBentonEaton

Posted by IvesBentonEaton 9 months ago

Technically speaking, within the setting, the spell's school is transmutation, and limited to the druid and assassin classes. I was wrong about the source, though: it comes from the Complete Scoundrel, not the Spell Compendium. My bad.

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