One minor stylistic critique I had was mixing personal thoughts with past tense writing like here:
>Shit. Should I say something? “Uh -” My cheeks burned. The moment passed before I could make more than a stupid flustered groan.
I think, if you add thoughts as if it's happening now, the story has to be written in present tense. He's obviously not narrating it to someone afterwards.
But I might be biased since I prefer present tense anyway.
Posted by Fintaffet 1 year ago Report
Fun fun fun! Was a lovely sexy read~
Posted by LucifersChef 1 year ago Report
thanks !
Posted by porky11 1 year ago Report
Pretty nice, also fun ending.
One minor stylistic critique I had was mixing personal thoughts with past tense writing like here:
>Shit. Should I say something? “Uh -” My cheeks burned. The moment passed before I could make more than a stupid flustered groan.
I think, if you add thoughts as if it's happening now, the story has to be written in present tense. He's obviously not narrating it to someone afterwards.
But I might be biased since I prefer present tense anyway.
Posted by Madock345 1 year ago Report
Loved this one. Wonder how many guys he’s going to grind today.
Posted by LucifersChef 1 year ago Report
heh