Posted by doomed 3 years ago Report

So basically , the counselor took advantage of a grieving patient for a free meal…. That’s dark. I get if she had Been secretly a gutslut who just waiting around for the right pred. But this is akin to that of a therapist manipulating their patient into sleeping with them. Rain even admits as much in them end. Which is kinda messed up.

It kinda detracts from jills character in the original story too.
Instead of her story ending with her a happy ending it reads more like she was defeated. It’s Like she was killed off by the big villain so that way the hero can avenge them by killing the villain.I get that the vibe was supposed to be casual vore. However You made Jill a strong willed character. She showed emotions and stuck out because to her it wasn’t casual. Killing her off like this crosses over from casual into dark.

Posted by Hetzering 3 years ago Report

You have a point. My main goal in this filler was to show the strong bond Jill had with Alex based on the point that in this "your world", if a person was defined as "prey", they would easily give in. But it's true that there is a dominant-dominated subtext that I didn't pay enough attention to during the writing.

After for Rain, I tried to prevent her from absolutely taking advantage by leaving the option of "You agree, I swallow you. You stop, I regurgitate" and trying to slightly imply that Jill, even under her shell, had her "prey hormones" working on her.

Afterwards, I admit that I had a hard time writing the ending for this character because Jill was the character I enjoyed writing the most but she was destined to "die" in the plan I had made before writing and it served the purpose of "Even the most resistant give in". I rewrote this filler 3 times before I had something I liked because I was having trouble finding the "best" approach.

I'm sorry that you don't like this ending and I understand perfectly that you don't approve of Jill's ending, that's also why I wanted to write it as a filler like this, it allows me to keep the main story as a "one-shot" because I knew that people would be disappointed by Jill's fate.

I just hope you like the other stories I create and hope you don't get disappointed again!

Posted by doomed 3 years ago Report

Hmm do you have a sort of canon to these stories? You mention it’s a one shot. So does that mean we won’t see any of these characters again ? Or that we will see them again and that there is no canon?

Also thank you for responding. It’s rare for a writer to be this honest about how they felt towards their own work.

The theme you wanted definitely came across but it felt more like “everyone has a moment of weakness “ like thus would be a PSA shown to prey students about surviving in a cruel world. Warning them not to trust anyone even the ones meant to protect them.and while I’m not a fan of the ending. You’re a phenomenal writer. As you made me grow attached to Jill.

Posted by Hetzering 3 years ago Report

I had an idea to write a last short filler about the "aftermath of Lily" with an appointement at Rain's house and then a kind of friendship that would be created with Jade but I don't have much inspiration for this story.

But I don't like to go back on my stories so I try to close them as much as possible when writing them. I don't want to overstretch the characters and end up going in circles. So, I don't think we'll see Lily or Rain again, unless I end up getting inspired for the filler (which will be the last Lily-related story if I write it)

Besides, I have to be honest with my stories and those who read them. I take my time to write stories that I hope will please those who read them. So for me, feedback is important to know what people liked, what they loved and what they were disappointed with, so I can improve my writing of future stories ( although I know that some people will like certain elements and others will not).

Posted by doomed 3 years ago Report

Well I can definitely see the appeal In doing that . So I can’t wait to see what else you do

Posted by 20002000 3 years ago Report

I really like the idea of exploring branches of stories.

Posted by heromc 3 years ago Report

Damn!!! This made me uncomfortable in all the right ways! Amazing dynamic between the two, how fucked up!

Posted by EloquentOrc 3 years ago Report

The thing I wanted to know from the first story, was "what happened behind that door"? So this is great. :)

I do have some of the same issues as doomed, mostly that Jill went from deadset against being eaten, to feeding herself to her guidance councillor rather quickly.

Jill definitely had a "doth protest too much" thing going on, it could just use a bit more development.

But I still enjoyed it, especially the ending where the friends get "dumped" together. :)

Ps. Not trying to push you or anything, but will the video appear in your stories again? Sounded interesting :)

Posted by Hetzering 3 years ago Report

I understand, I had to deal with the problem of "I put too much emotion and willpower into Jill but how can I make her fall logical and understandable in 10 minutes of appoitement with Rain?".

I tried to do my best to make it all coherent but it's true that her fall is quite sudden, fast. I'm glad you liked it despite the speed of her death.


For the video, I have to admit that it's a little reference to the story "What Daughters are For" by ad12345. One of my favorite stories from my favorite author on this site :)

Posted by EloquentOrc 3 years ago Report

I did notice the similarities, great story. :) Actually made a little sketch of just before the scene you mention.
https://aryion.com/g4/derivative/696666-75595-1g48rpc-preview.jpg

Posted by rikibluedrago 1 year ago Report

This was so HOT