Brazzel - 6 years ago

I could tell. Keep up the good work!

Lenumanuma - 6 years ago

Thank you very much! I've been working on this one for a while and I really appreciate those compliments.

Lenumanuma - 6 years ago

You got it right! Congrats!

Brazzel - 6 years ago

Your writing is very relaxing. I think you really embodied the atmosphere of strolling through a forest, creeping through a house and being eaten by a mysterious fox monster.

Shortpig - 6 years ago

Sounds like a Delphox being described to me. Pretty decent choice for a predator, if you ask me.

New - 9 years ago

Ah, kittens. Such a wonderful conflict for Mitsu: they're so adorable and pleasant company, but when you're made of sweet stuff that they love…heh. Marvelous.

VincentShadowScale - 9 years ago

I think you're supposed to PM it to him so that other people don't see the answer.

RaccoonBoy22 - 9 years ago

The answer is...Calcium. And for team mustard, I'd like to see Brian eat Tzelle

Lenumanuma - 9 years ago

haha, thanks! you were the first person to actually critique it. I try to stay away from cliches as much as possible, but this was a commission, so I had to add a few things. Tense wise, I had no idea I made those errors! thanks a lot, man.

Speedyblupi - 9 years ago

You need criticism? Ok, criticism is my speciality :)

Grammatical accuracy:

You have a few homophone errors, like "it’s sheathe", which should be "its sheath" and "sac" which should be "sack" (if it's referring to a ballsack).

There are some misplaced capitalisations, like "Terry Moaned almost too loud; He...".

Tenses are mostly good, but again, there are a few small errors, like "He then lied down" and "Terry groaned a bit, knowing that this will take a while to explain."

The sentence "However, the dragon’s skirt and panties started to slide off" starts with a conjunction. This doesn't always make a sentence grammatically incorrect, but in this case it does because there's no specific thing that the clothes sliding off is opposed to.

Writing quality:

There are a few cliched metaphors which annoy me, like "blew his load" and "rock hard", but these are mostly issues of preference - I don't actually know what most other people think of them, so maybe ask other people, or just keep 'em in if you particularly like them.

Some of the phrasing is a bit awkward, like "He had accidentally swallowed most of the cum that was in his mouth plus a bit more", but I didn't notice any other significant mistakes.

Story quality:

Leviathan's instant transition from the state of "you killed my friends" to "I have to please mommy" is pretty jarring and doesn't seem to make much sense, but aside from that it's a great story. It's fairly unique and interesting, and has the right amount of filler to engage, but not to bore the reader.

---

Basically, there are a few minor errors, but overall you did a very good job.

Suibelly - 9 years ago

Can't wait to see what comes next!

VincentShadowScale - 9 years ago

^,=,^ Well I guess then here's hoping that I don't get ate o,=,o

Lenumanuma - 9 years ago

Yeah, one site is fine

VincentShadowScale - 9 years ago

I only need to PM you on one profile right? Chances are I'll usually be going through FA than here.

Suibelly - 9 years ago

Ian also does a lot of tail vore, if you feel like adding a bit of variety in that regard.

VincentShadowScale - 9 years ago

Plus like we're still on teams, so even if we lose a round or two I just have to not get voted off ^^

phantom131 - 9 years ago

This is a very interesting idea.

Lenumanuma - 9 years ago

Just Be fast and correct on the questions! That's all you can do

VincentShadowScale - 9 years ago

Totally not scared of possibly getting eaten >,=,>

Lenumanuma - 9 years ago

Yes, But I might change that option if everyone votes for themselves.

SirScotty - 9 years ago

Just to check: We can vote for ourselves to be the predator, yes?

MasterC30 - 9 years ago

commenting from FA here: Sounds like fun! FA account is MasterC30. my chr is Zeak Wolfclaw a black wolf with some brown patches.. and sometimes plays with ice magic... I do soft oral, cock and anal(clean only) cum digestion is awesome and for oral digestion can digest normally or my stomach can be cold, chilling the person until they pass out from the cold and then start to be absorbed.. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3566589/

if you need any more info let me know :)

VincentShadowScale - 9 years ago

Fine, I'll post my character info, but for the record I'm still hesitant about this without some kind of out >,=,>

Profile: (I'm easier to reach on FA) http://www.furaffinity.net/user/vincent-shadowscale/

Of course I'd be my namesake, Vincent Shadowscale, a generally playful, but tough 11'6" tall dragon anthro with a massive appetite. He's capable of Oral or Cock vore, but prefers Oral, as well as devouring as many people as possible to fill his hungry belly.

Gallery of him: http://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/vincent-shadowscale/folder/22964/Vincent

The only issue is that he's never prey, so if he were to lose he'd probably find some way to cheat and escape, or put someone in his place while he ran away >,=,>

BMWu - 9 years ago

Profile: BMWu

I'm a 6' greninja who loves to make new friends and have fun.

I'm good with oral-vore, anal-vore, and cockvore.

Links: http://bmwu.deviantart.com/art/Christmas-Theme-Greninja-502009876

http://bmwu.deviantart.com/

Slash - 9 years ago

Really nice there. ;3

mallowsal - 9 years ago

very fast paced. but a good read none the less.

Lenumanuma - 9 years ago

Thanks!

Lenumanuma - 9 years ago

thank you so much :D

madcells - 9 years ago

Shh don't give us away we are all trying to recover from the amazing story