ShadowLurker - 1 month ago

Thank you. I'm very glad you enjoyed it~ <3

razor231 - 1 month ago

I don't mind at all!
And I think you did a great job with this sequence~ <3

ShadowLurker - 1 month ago

You were indeed the one to inspire it. For that I thank you. And I hope you don't mind.

ShadowLurker - 1 month ago

You were indeed the one to inspire it. And for that, I thank you.

razor231 - 1 month ago

I recognize that pose~

Ev0nix - 3 years ago

Hmm, shouldn't Misha be able to come along? The siblings dragged him out through her flesh so it should be possible for them to bring her with them.

Anyway I'd like to see more, it's creative

ethan3369 - 3 years ago

Yo finially checked back in this continuation made my day I missed your stories

Mrinfo - 3 years ago

Btw I really enjoyed the story and hope you have more to come despite the large period of time since the last story.

Mrinfo - 3 years ago

I had just finished watching the Hobbit when I found this story, so the entire time I just had the LotR ring music playing in my head.

magicboy13 - 3 years ago

Omg! An actual update after six years! I thought you stopped thinking about this story and completely moved on from it. So glad to see Hassan and Misha again. I wonder how many years it'd been. The time skip wasn't specified.

The absorption thing... was unexpected. I was honestly expecting more UB shenanigans with Misha. Still, the change was ok and I liked the sibling relationship. I hope you continue this now!

TSaPA - 4 years ago

You come up with the most imaginative vore creature designs, you know that?

ethan3369 - 4 years ago

Man it has been a while good to see some new posts

Destroyah23 - 4 years ago

Hey Shadow are you ever going to finish living and learning with dragons?

Zavvnao - 6 years ago

it is nice to see dragon on dragon stuff. and other things as well :3

JacktheDragon - 6 years ago

Well this was quite a story as well lovely art.

Thagrahn - 6 years ago

...
Interesting that not only does the CTF victom's tits become a new set of balls, but the pred's original balls are still there.

ShadowLurker - 6 years ago

Really? *scrutinizes image* Hmm... Now that you mention it... I agree.

ShadowLurker - 6 years ago

Not anytime soon, hopefully. Although my uploads may be spaced a day or so apart, as I'm not keen on dumping everything within the span of 5 minutes.

Wilhelm00 - 6 years ago

To top dick on the herm naha looks like a baby xenomorph, its kinna cute.

ethan3369 - 6 years ago

So how long before you go back to your rock

ethan3369 - 7 years ago

Guess who's back, back again
Shadows back, tell a friend

ethan3369 - 7 years ago

Thinks to himself shit why couldn't i keep myself awake im mean it was nice but damn i just need to try harder if their is a next time. Maybe trying to stand... ah whatever

ShadowLurker - 7 years ago

"Very well, Ethan." Shadow replies, a paw sliding the piled clothing aside. Eyes becoming half-lidded, Shadow's trio of tongues stretch forth again, beads and bubbles of saliva threatening to dribble to the cavern floor as the dragon's prehensile muscles coil around the man. Slowly exhaling a deep breath as a plume of warm mist, Shadow's tongues begin to retract, reeling Ethan in. The jaws quickly close behind him, sealing the man inside the obsidian dragon's heated and mildly humid mouth. Inhaling through the nostrils, Shadow's throat vibrates with an appreciative rumble as thousands of taste buds rub and slather against the nearly naked man. For a long moment, all Shadow does is savor the taste, the trio of tongues carefully slipping and sliding all over, glazing the human with saliva...
Releasing a sigh through the nose, Shadow's tongues uncoil from the man, laying him out along his belly on the lower tongues, head facing the pharyngeal maw as it extends, yawning wide, the esophagus emitting a gentle golden glow. Suddenly gravity intensifies as Shadow's snout tilts skyward, the lower jaw shifting forward as the bottom two tongues dip and undulate, bucking Ethan off and into the pharyngeal maw with a cascade of warm saliva. Large concentric rings of powerful muscle clamp down on the human from all sides with a wet squelch, excess saliva spraying both up and down the man's body as Shadow swallows with a sloshing glark.
Peristalsis kicks in, waves of undulating flesh rolling across Ethan as he slides down Shadow's gullet, every squeezing throb pushing him closer to the stomach. Quickly bringing a claw up, Shadow touches the lump denoting the man and follows its' descent down the neck, until it is lost behind the collarbone. Seconds later, Ethan finds himself surrounded by intense warmth and pressed up against a thick coil of hardened muscle, the esophageal sphincter. It opens readily as another wave of peristalsis presses him against it, pushing him through. Inside the stomach, the near furnace temperature air is heavily moist, and large beads of fluid slowly dribble down the walls in this spacious cavern of flesh. A great rustling whoosh can be heard as Shadow inhales a deep breath.
"Enjoy your stay." Shadow's warbling voice speaks amiably through the layers of flesh, the stomach rocking side to side and the half-inch of fluid splashing around as the dragon walks somewhere. A moment passes before the rocking stops, but the stomach's walls, floor and ceiling are now flexing, churning as a rumbling gurgle sounds from somewhere deeper inside the dragon. "Remain calm, Ethan. My stomach is just eagerly welcoming you." Shadow's voice again warbles to Ethan's ear as the man pushes off the stomach floor and stands up.
Mere seconds later, Ethan realizes it's a losing battle to try and maintain footing on a floor that's rampantly undulating under one's feet, and elects to lean his back against a wall, sliding down to sit. Perhaps it's the ambient warmth, or the gentle lapping of waves of stomach fluids against his legs, or the irregular sounds of waterfalls... Whatever it is, Ethan soon finds it hard to remain awake, consciousness slipping from his grasp...

Ethan awakes with a start, bolting to a sitting position. The first thing he sees, is the wall of his bedroom, and lying next to the door is his pile of winter clothing. The hunting rifle is back behind the glass of the gun cabinet, and his taser pistol is resting on the nightstand. His little drone control computer is softly humming, and the monitor displays one of his drones returning to base. Rubbing his eyes, he wonders if it was all a dream... But catches sight of a quartet of softly glowing blue eyes fading into his shadow on the wall...

ethan3369 - 7 years ago

Standing blinking with a dumbfounded expression"I ughh" he bring his hand to the side of his head phycing himself up "oh i need to make sure my cloths are dry because then it wont matter if i die to you or not. Also i guess you may or may not have made the conection im Ethan the one that pilots the drone in normally instead alking to the box." *Internally cursing for being so social inept* ethan is sytenatically removing and bundling his various layers down to under wear. Closing eyes and clucthung at his face face trying to calm his shaking a breath breathing. Shadow closes his mouth as he asks "are you ok?"
"ya ya im fine its just nerves umyaoksoyaknow i think it might be better if you do it."

ShadowLurker - 7 years ago

"In due time." Shadow replies, taking a step forward and stretching a wing out as a windbreak. "I read every one, but I've a guest today." Shadow elaborates, bringing its' snout within inches of the man, a trio of tongues timidly poking out for a brief moment before a taloned paw slides forward. With measured care, Shadow's claws lift the man and gingerly place him on the tip of Shadow's snout, before the obsidian dragon stands and turns to re-enter the cave. As the darkness envelopes both of them, Shadow's tail flicks out toward the box, and retrieves the piece of parchment.
Navigating through the pitch black interior, Shadow turns a few corners before stepping into a large, yet still dark, chamber, the only source of light being Shadow's bio-luminescent blue eyes. Knowing the unease absolute darkness causes, Shadow morphs large stripes along its' body to also glow a soft blue, illuminating a small portion of the cave. Two of these stripes start just under the nostrils, curve under the eyes and arch back over the shoulders, finally ending at the tip of the tail, while another two start to the sides of the chin and follow the edges of Shadow's belly leather, ending just below the rib cage.
"I hope you like blue. 'Cause I can't do white." Shadow speaks, a softly luminescent gold shining from the interior of the dragon's mouth. Reaching a paw up and gently shifting the man to the ground, Shadow stretches out on its' belly, snout once again coming within inches of the man. "And you needn't fear the warmth of my stomach. I might have to soak you in saliva to get you in, but you'll see tomorrow's sunrise." Shadow finished with an inviting smile, maw slowly hinging open before the man. As the upper jaw was raised, the bifurcated lower jaw parted in the middle, flowering to the sides, revealing the soft golden glow of Shadow's innards, as well as the three coiled tongues, each of which slowly undulated a gentle beckoning toward the pharyngeal, or inner, mouth. Large ropes of saliva stretching between the sheathed fangs, Shadow waited...

ethan3369 - 7 years ago

Sry for double post

JacktheDragon - 8 years ago

Mhm nice story and art ^^

Gaiaalexf - 1 year ago

I just discovered this series today and I can't believe I didn't find them before
This is like the ideal way for this situation to go and it's so sad you haven't been able to complete a continuation of this

MathiasGrim - 3 years ago

have you considered continuing this series?

calldahotline - 6 years ago

Are you looking to continue this story?

onlyxenolord - 6 years ago

Some great work am super excited to see where this goes.

ethan3369 - 7 years ago

I seemed to have jinxed it.

ShadowLurker - 8 years ago

I agree, I could have done the vore scene better. But as I said in the description of part 1, I got a little caught up in telling the story. Which, considering where I uploaded this, is probably a mistake on my part.

Now, I'm not quite sure how you find the body enhancements to be 'casual'. I understand I make mention of them several times, but to be called 'casual'?..... (Author's bias. I can't see it unless you explain it to me.)

I am glad that you find this alien interesting, and that you think this short series has promise, so, thank you.

Darian - 8 years ago

Wooooooow. I gotta admit, i find this alien really interesting. Not all that big on the casual body enhancements with the humans, and I kinda wish the vore scene was a bit more... detailed, but still, this shows big promise.

haloronin - 8 years ago

its an interesting start I'll look forward to reading part two tomarrow.

dasamppa - 8 years ago

Quite the curious creature you've made and the story was an interesting read as well, good job ^w^

Underside - 7 years ago

Ahh, okay. Didn't see it before. Now I see it and the new helpful links. Thanks.

ShadowLurker - 7 years ago

The first part was Story-over-vore, and as such, I put it in the Non-vore folder in my gallery. However, I've recently updated the descriptions of each part to have links to the others.

Underside - 7 years ago

Where do we find part one?

Jay1743 - 8 years ago

I have to agree with Ledatic that this pushes the right buttons. And I'd love to see a sequel.

Ledatic - 8 years ago

Jeeze, autocorrect is cancer in a code form sometimes. I meant "sac'd humans", not socks humans. :p

MicroNekoGirlPur - 8 years ago

I'm glad I found the first one. I loved the second instalment, twisted fairy tales have always been my favorite, where they're not just the stereotyped roles being played. definitely loved this!

TootCore - 8 years ago

I really, really, really like those characters. I'm kind of upset at Lilith being careless about the lives of Vivan and Wallace, especially considering how much time the two ladies must have spent together.

mallowsal - 9 years ago

very interesting design

slickwick45 - 9 years ago

Definitely well done on this one. Sirocco gets her first chew toy XD

User1205952 - 9 years ago

I haven't drawn Sirocco myself, but I'd say its not too far off from what I had in mind. Really good job on this. Love the tail wag.

MicroNekoGirlPur - 8 years ago

either way it's cool

ShadowLurker - 8 years ago

Yes, they reform.
But as to where and how? Well, that's up to the individual reader.
They could reform inside Vivian and she 'births' them, or they're compacted into eggs that she lays? Or maybe Vivian finds a nice spot to spread her feminine lips to let the cream out so she can watch them reform... All the possibilities.

MicroNekoGirlPur - 8 years ago

so... just to be clear, they reform...? cool story either way.

mallowsal - 9 years ago

alright story, but what i really want is a reference sheet for the half hydra

TootCore - 9 years ago

Quite unique, very very interesting. owo

Destroyah23 - 4 years ago

Continuation of this story maybe????

playafreek - 9 years ago

More Stories

TootCore - 9 years ago

I would definitely love to see more of Misha and Hassan. The story was impossibly sexy, and the comical puppy eyes dialogue at the end make the two of them easy to get attached to. c:

AvonTheAero - 9 years ago

One of my my favorite series, you certainly make a neat feel to this fantasy vore world you've created, I hope to see more of it.

Alhazred - 9 years ago

Dude, this is excellent. Loved every sentence of it. Hope to see more like this in the future.

mallowsal - 9 years ago

we need more hydra cocks

nysmnyd - 9 years ago

I just have 1 question......the fuck?

ShadowLurker - 9 years ago

*Leaps out of lair, talons out-stretched*
Get back here! Get back here!
*Falls flat on face*
Missed him...
*Notes comment box flag is up, moves to read comment*
A good, sensible, answering counter-question. I wouldn't put up a story without being satisfied with it, I should (and will now) apply that same restriction to any future line-work, thanks for answering.

User1205952 - 9 years ago

I'd say just share the edited version. You wouldn't post a first draft of a story alongside the edited draft, so why would you do that with pictures?

*Zips away from comment box before he gets caught*

ShadowLurker - 10 years ago

Thus it was that the Living Shadow, in its' predatory dragon form, got a hold on Rimentus. The great grey dragon, Rimentus, did put up a short struggle, writhing in his attempt to escape, all while asking the question; "So, is this your revenge for all the times you'd visited my comment boxes and gotten yourself--"
A loud 'gulpk' sound cut him off, as the Living Shadow swallowed. On his trip down, Rimentus produced a sizable bulge in the Living Shadow's neck, which did eventually bounce down to, and settle in, the creature's belly.
With a short, belched moan, the Living Shadow slowly stretched out on the ground near its' own comment box. Once resting semi-comfortably, Shadow brought a paw around and patted the softly writhing bulge in his belly.
"Revenge?" Shadow inquired, and actually heard a muffled, accusing, affirmative come from his belly. "Maybe a little... But can I really take revenge on someone who has given me short bouts of inspiration?" No reply came, likely as the grey dragon Rimentus thought over those words, so Shadow continued; "Besides, I'm sure you'll come up with something else that's worth me visiting your comment box... By the way; How is it in there? Comfortable?"
"Dark." Came the clear reply.
"Oh, let me fix that..." Shadow answered, and it was as if he had turned a knob as a soft, bio-luminescent yellow glow was emitted from his inner flesh, lighting up his open mouth. "Better?"
"It's wet, and cramped..."
"It's -supposed- to be wet..." Shadow countered. "But cramped? I am a shape-shifter, and you're my guest, so..." Slowly, Shadow's body began to grow, almost tripling in size, until the large, distended bulge in his belly was more of a soft bump. "Now..." Shadow started, but paused to release a large yawn. "Don't mind me, I'm just going to take a nap..." Shadow then curled into a large, obsidian colored ball, draped a wing over his snout, and as he drifted off, said; "If you want to leave... My throat is open..."

(Ah ha, you did it again, you sneaky dragon.)
^\/^
^][^

User1205952 - 10 years ago

*Wiggles his rear, though this time doing so because he's struggling to get out from your latching jaws* So is this your revenge for all the times you'd visited my comment boxes and gotten yourself--

*Rimentus hears a huge gulp as he gets swallowed down.*

ShadowLurker - 10 years ago

With what I've written as a basis, I could rattle off a plausible reason for her appearance... (Rumors of a dragon, comparison between rumor spread rate and dragon flight speed, duration of Shadow's trip, ect.) However, in the end, you're right, the tan female is overly convenient...

I guess that means I should go back to the Conveniently Random store for a refund, huh?

And about my teeth...
*Pulls out toothbrush and tube of toothpaste* They'll get a work over in a little bit... *Lunges forward in an attempt to (softly) devour Rimentus*

User1205952 - 10 years ago

*Peeks into open maw and takes a cautious sniff* Someone oughta brush your teeth, ya know?

Also the appearance of the tan-coloured dragon seemed a bit random and too convenient. I would've expected that aquatic dragon to have more of a play during that last scene.

ShadowLurker - 10 years ago

*Watches Rimentus stroll around the comment box and wiggle his rear for a few seconds*
Well... Since you put it like that...
*Deep, slow, ominous voice*
Welcome to my lair...
*Shape-shifts into predatory form, and widely opens maw*
Please, stay for a visit... I've got a room, complete with water-bed, -just- for you...

playafreek - 10 years ago

More stories please. We like your imagination.

Zack10RVB - 5 years ago

Hey I think he gets it dickhead

ShadowLurker - 9 years ago

For the swearing bit... I've still got nothing. (Instead, I'm choosing column B to best represent my side; "You're so right, take my money!" )
There are plenty of places where I could have had the characters swear like sailors... Some cases, where I -should- have... The best counter to this I can think up is the question; "If a character is given every right to swear, but doesn't, doesn't that say something?" (I know, it feels like a REALLY flimsy counter to me as well.) I guess I'm going to trace this issue back to me instead; I don't do a lot of open swearing myself, and it apparently bled into my writing.

The sex scenes... I did put out the disclaimer with the first one I did between Leon and Ressanna AS BEING MY FIRST GO AT IT. I can only chalk this up to inexperience.

Now I'm going to go fire the weatherman, because damn it, he told me today was supposed to be sunny! I don't like the look of those clouds coming my way...

blackrock215 - 9 years ago

Unfortunately it's eleven PM currently and I have work tomorrow so this is going to be brief. You're right about a few things. Leon is justified to cry about more than everybody else - but I'm not too sure about the sympathy crying. The only time I really did sympathy crying in real life was when my father's father died and my father played this totally sad tune on his bass at the funeral. I felt some serious sympathy for him and I cried while he played. Both of us have put the goal posts out here, me on the end of "nobody should feel anything" and you with "people should feel sympathy." I'm going to be honest, I only managed to proofread my comment once because I was in a rush to get to the doctor's office and have them tell me I'm not going to die painfully in the next few days, so I'll take the time to apologize for my admittedly far fetched exaggeration. I'm a little worried about your "I got nothing" comment about the swearing, and I'm not sure to take that as "I'm not sure what you mean" or "you're so right oh my god take all of my money" or "you're so wrong I can't even come up with a coherent argument you're so stupid" so I'll take it as a little bit of column a, b and c and put a little excerpt from a story I'm writing to show what I'm trying to say here.

-begin quote-

Hammen had escaped, so we had a chance. An ambush this far into our territory wouldn’t go without at least some sort of response, and with men missing higher command would probably send medivac just in case with the response force. The problem was one of time. There were figures advancing towards us right now. Some of them on two legs, some on four. It was difficult to tell in the hot dusty landscape exactly what they were, as sand, heat shimmers and distance concealed both the number and type of troops coming towards us. I shook Thack, hoping to wake him. He groaned, and opened his eyes, wincing.

“Ah, fuck. Everything hurts. My leg. What happened?”

“We were hit, twice. Listen closely, Thack. If they get close, we need to defend ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to let them take me alive.” I drew my M1911. The weapon had been my father’s and he’d passed it on to me when I went to war.

“Agreed.” Thack stated simply, drawing his own pistol. “Make sure to leave one in the chamber. In case you… need it.” I nodded grimly, and then advanced to the end of the LAV, being sure to shield myself from any possible fire.

“Oh and Eagle?” I turned, casting a look back at Thack.

“You look like shit, man.” He said, smiling, tight lipped.

“No worse than you.” I said, grinning.

-end quote-

[the story is in the prose equivalent of early alpha and I'm not even sure I want the character's reactions to be like that so it's a little rough. Excuse any explosions or unsafe work conditions caused by incomplete story telling.]

Swearing is a good way to ground a situation and really drive home how serious or how vivid the emotions are. In the entire story so far, these are the only two words - and there's a good reason for that. If everybody goes around cursing like a sailor it loses meaning. Here I use them to accent both one of my character's pain in his given situation, and show the attitude of both characters given their grim situation. The describing sex aspect of the thing is a little bit more difficult for me to elaborate upon because I don't have anything in my current repertoire to put here as an example, but it's something that really needs a lot of practice and you can't just pick up the local copy of pride and prejudice to get experience. There's a few examples that have really good descriptions of sex acts such as Fenoxo's Corruption of Champions but that's not so much well defined prose as it is an interactive story that's half character key words. Good place to start, though. Especially the consensual sex scenes between followers. I'm not saying that what you write has to have the same ridiculous detailed vulgarity of that game but the example it provides is a pretty good one to work off of and scale back to your needs.

Unfortunately I'm about to pass out from exhaustion over here so I'm going to cut short my other concessions about how you're correct, especially relating to my having not read Learner's stories, I'll go take a look at them tomorrow, and then come back and yell at you some more.

I'm just regrouping, the calm before the storm.

ShadowLurker - 9 years ago

*Stretches hand toward the sky and moans; Rez plz*

Duly noted; will watch what I ask for.

Frankly, (And this is my mistake in this entire regard) I wrote this relying far FAR too heavily on my readers having given a good look over of Learner's stories. (They actually provide a hell of a lot of the backstory, [Specifically, the Troubles of a Dragon Owner, Amaria, and Kalnera series] but again, my mistake, and unless I take down this entire story, and re-write it, that mistake is going to stick)

*Gets run over by the caps-lock key*
When you put it like that, yes, it is an extremely large bombshell. Did I handle the reaction correctly? No. Putting myself in that place, I would feel betrayed, and would kick the betrayer to the curb... Is it something that gets patched up instantly? No. Very little ever actually is... I've no justification for screwing that up.

Proofread? Yes, I do that. I did it several times over the ensuing months while I was writing, and then again before I uploaded... But, grammar and proper phrasing and the like take PRACTICE... If you must know, during the writing of this, I wasn't that far off from breaking away from pure script-style writing. (Yes, I know, that's no excuse)

*Gets run over by the caps-lock key again*
I... Got nothing.

As to 'say'ing things... Again, another thing to practice.

Now about all the crying and emotional states; In Leon's case, IT IS JUSTIFIED. The man has a bloody damn demon rattling around in his heart, AND HE HAS DEPRESSION.
Should the dragons and the others cry nearly as much? Possibly not, no. Sometimes they are crying in SYMPATHY. Look at it this way; The dragons HAVE lived a pretty damn sheltered life. Emily and Jill, I can't recall any outstanding scenes with them crying. As for Fred, AGAIN, SYMPATHY, except when he was JUST TOLD BY THE -FIRST- WOMAN HE LOVED SHE WAS USING HIM. Tell me how you would feel. Also, you are unjustly nailing me to the wall with the exaggeration "The slightest sign of misfortune and they break."

Now, if this was all just the first charge, then damn it, I want the Siegfried Line for the second.

To end on a happy note; Thank you. If I'm ever to improve, I -need- people like you with your brutal honesty.

blackrock215 - 9 years ago

Careful what you ask for, sir...

First, I'd like to expand upon my society point, the last one in my previous comment before I realized that the comment I made was beginning to gain sentience and was eyeing me rather suspiciously. I gave the bare outlines of what I personally believe an interesting story - one that is believable and easy to relate to for a reader. This generally entails something that mirrors real life. Politics is an excellent place to start because in politics it's possible to find every form of scummy person as well as find people who are upstanding and really attempting to do the right thing. Politics also holds one of the best conflicts transferred to writing: someone who really means well attempting to fix a problem but either being unable to, either because of physical problems, (or most of the time in the case of politics) by a huge quantity of red tape or has their words misconstrued and has an unfavorable outcome. It also includes manipulation of large numbers of people, blame games being played and behind the scenes deals that most people are unaware of. As I stated in my previous comment, any society or group of intellectual individuals are at some point going to have differing opinions on a subject, and eventually these differences are going to be enough to create factions. Especially problems that have a right or wrong solution built in (i.e. Should abortion be allowed? or should people be allowed to keep dragons as pets? or are dragons people?) Based upon the story you've written so far the most likely and believable story I could put together in my head is that it was either like the crusades, in which fanatic ideological humans hunted down everything not like them in the name of god; not a nearly interesting enough story to stand by itself, or, similar to humans, dragons were capable of all of the same emotions and wants, and had their own factions that either saw humans as inferior creatures that they could do with what they please, or as toys to be broken - and that the humans organized against the dragons to protect themselves but in typical human fashion took things way too far and ended up going off the deep end. This is a great by-play but like all stories there needs to be a connection. You had this issue with a few things in that you simply just glossed over that left me, a reader, going "what?" If the story simply just jumped from "Humans were systematically going after and killing every dragon they could find regardless to whether the dragon was friendly or not" to "dragons are now tolerated in modern society because reasons" A lot of people would be scratching their heads. The story parts I had issue with you skipping in particular had to do with character interaction, but I'd better make a new paragraph for that so that this doesn't become one single mass of words.

OK. I'm going to do something I don't really like doing, which is I'm going to press the caps lock key. I want you to understand that for this portion of the comment, I am shouting, at you, because you have something that is so close to perfect and then you went and you messed it up. WHAT THE HELL IS LEON'S REACTION TO WHAT BASICALLY AMOUNTS TO SOMEONE ATTEMPTING TO KILL HIM. THERE IS SOMETHING EXTREMELY WRONG WITH A PERSON WHO LOOKS AT A CREATURE - STRONGER - FASTER - AND MORE DANGEROUS THAN HIMSELF AND THINKS "YOU KNOW THEY ALMOST KILLED ME BUT THEY'RE ALRIGHT." And the problem was he HAD the right response - somewhere in your mind you KNEW what the right response to that sort of action was, even if you didn't say so in the comment you put in that chapter. You knew how a human would react to an attempted murder and then you backpedaled. You kinda contrived something and said "there all better now." and to be honest when that happened I almost stopped reading. I was sitting at my computer, thinking, is this for real? And I kept reading, and it was. A relationship, ESPECIALLY a relationship that was as close as Leon and Ressanna doesn't just have a bombshell like that go off and then just recover and be the exact same thing as before, if not better. However - don't get me wrong. The scene in the beginning where he was eaten was what needed to happen. That was a perfect scene that set the whole tone of the story and put into motion the byplay between the two characters, allowing the rest of the story to fall into place. And I can understand that you didn't want to spend two whole chapters of your writing describing the complex process of a relationship repairing after a bombshell like that has gone off, but it could have been handled a little bit better. I'm not sure whether or not you are familiar with the Artemis Fowl series, but in that series the byplay between two of the main characters is very similar. Granted, it takes 5 books before they have a working relationship but most of the book isn't about their relationship and is more about the seat of the pants adventures they go on. They start as strangers in book one and Artemis Fowl kidnaps the other character, Holly, in order to hold her for ransom, nearly destroying her career and putting a lot of bad blood between the two. By the fifth book they're jumping through a space-time portal to save the world together because they've come to trust one another with their lives. I'm not in any way saying that you need a five book series to properly develop character interactions, but something that I've found is at least somewhat helpful is taking all of the life experiences a character has had, placing yourself into their shoes with the life experiences in mind and asking yourself "how would I react to this happening?"

Another thing I don't think I really mentioned to you but that you should one hundred percent do with everything you write, whether you publish it or not, is proofread. Proofread proofread proofread. The only time anybody who is ever writing anything should not proofread, and this is the only one scenario in which this is OK, is when an orc has just cut his guts out and he is scrawling on the wall in his blood before he dies "rez plz." That's it. There's no other circumstance that is acceptable to not proofread something. Sadly, a LOT of what is written, especially on the internet, is not proofread. If you read a lot of literature, especially books that are considered works of literature and have gone through countless iterations before being accepted to print, and then compare that to the typical internet fare you'll find on 4chan or this website, it doesn't hold candle to the well executed prose of the printed work. A lot of writers will say that words are their weapon, but that's a god damn lie. Words aren't given meaning unless they're put in the right order and sentences don't have impact unless they're hashed together properly. A work without a purpose, without any form of proofreading, is not going to be as good as something that's gone through a hundred iterations and has been bounced off of peers for changes and revisions before becoming a final, work of art.

Last thing I'm going to include in this tirade is going to be this paragraph, as I don't think that unloading every single gripe I had with the series in a single flaming comment of death is really fair to you. And this paragraph is going to detail the sex scenes you had. My head hit the keyboard. Went straight into the keyboard when I read some of it. I'm going to get my caps lock key again because I need to yell at you some more. THIS IS THE INTERNET YOUR MOTHER ISN'T GOING TO COME AND LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER ABOUT THE NAUGHTY WORDS YOUR PUTTING ON A FETISH SITE IN THE FAR CORNER OF THE INTERNET, AND NO SMALL CHILDREN ARE GOING TO ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THEIR WAY ALL THE WAY OVER TO THIS WEBSITE AND FIND THIS EXACT POST. This also extends to your use - or lack thereof - of swears. There were a bunch of amazing places you could have included my favorite words in the English language but you chose to leave them out and create this weird mishmash of G rated material and at the same time explicit - if childly worded - sex scenes. It just seemed like you weren't sure what exactly you wanted out of this series - whether you wanted something warm and uplifting that people of all ages can enjoy on a rainy day while drinking a freshly made cup of hot chocolate - or whether you wanted a rated R television show that only premiered on late night adult television channels that single parents watch after their children have gone to bed. I understand that there is a middle ground and that you may have been shooting for the middle ground, but I also think that there needs to be a decisive direction taken in what you want out of your work - if you are going to include descriptions of sex in your work then for the love of god just call it as it is. Otherwise give the merciful "and then everything fades to black and the reader is to understand that behind this black curtain the characters are having sex."

I lied. I'm a terrible lying person, I know but I had one last thing I wanted to yell at you about. Characters do more than "say" all the time. And characters have the ability to show emotion without crying. I thought my head would come clean off at the number of times I shook it when a character spontaneously broke out in tears at the slightest sign of misfortune. However, I'd like to get to the first things first. I noticed that in the later chapters you were beginning to use things such as "whispered" or "yelled" which is steps in the right direction but at the same time I was left wanting more. The English language is difficult to use with challenging spellings and more exceptions than rules but it makes up for this by being incredibly flexible. There is a myriad of words that you can use for any one given situation and in multitudinous order. There are so many words laying in their dusty nooks crying out to you "ShadowLurker, don't you love me? Why don't you use me in your writing more often?" And amusing personifications aside it also makes your work more interesting to read. People will become bored if you feed them the same word multiple times. Changing things up keeps it interesting and can keep the reader engaged. The second thing I wanted to tackle I probably should have gone over earlier but I think it fits here too - your characters do NOT have any sort of emotional coping mechanisms. Generally if somebody is crying something pretty terrible has happened to them. Young children cry more because they don't have a good repertoire of bad experiences with which to compare their current situation. It makes them emotionally more vulnerable. I worry for the characters in your book because with the crying they do at the slightest sign of misfortune they've either lived ridiculously happy lives without any sort of misfortune - which means they have really fragile psyches that could collapse at any moment, or they were born right as the story started as fully formed twenty somethings with filled in memories of the past and jobs already set aside for them, which is worrying for its own reasons - biologically controlling society non-withstanding.

And don't even think you've exhausted my ability to write more literary advice. That was just the first charge.

playafreek - 10 years ago

ShadowLurker, I just listened to the 'Troubles of a Dragon Owner' series and feel that you need to get Learner's permission to reintroduce the white shadow to your story. Nick saving Lyn's hatchling in that story triggered a change that your story seems to reflect upon. I would say to show Nina again, but thanks to Emily and Ash that's not necessary.

playafreek - 10 years ago

how's part 13 commin along?

ShadowLurker - 10 years ago

Third paragraph into this chapter, I make passing mention of what they do... Though the question itself... For some reason I can't help but find it amusing... (dragon litter box)
Right, second question; I can't answer that... Because beyond Chapter 13... The story isn't written yet...

playafreek - 10 years ago

I just realized something. Ressanna and Onyxia never go outside without Leon and/or Fred. Do they use a dragon litter box or something? And will Onyxia develop the ability to share lineage memories with Fred?

playafreek - 10 years ago

There's still hope Shadow will come back one day.

TheCrystalDemon - 9 years ago

That broad game was fun. And LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVe how your using the linegage memeory

playafreek - 10 years ago

Make more of these stories. Once this one is finished, maybe do another one from a small male dragon's perspective; or better yet, a world where humans are pets to dragons and are still vored for pleasurable reasons.