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Nanostorm By ryanshowseason3

Uploaded: 11 days ago

Views: 1,838

File size: 602.00 KiB

MIME Type: application/msword

Comments: 18

Favorites: 35

A city that flies
A swarm of microscopic machines so numerous they resemble a sandstorm
and a population the lives forever by transferring minds between an endless supply of clone bodies.

This is the tale of two women, one young and one ancient who will need each other to survive when it all comes tumbling down.

Also there's a bunch of vore mixed in there too. :P

This is a massive one, probably my longest story. I honestly wonder if anyone will finish it. Take that as a challenge readers.

A commission by  Combat

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Comments
shortprey20

Posted by shortprey20 11 days ago

Holy damn this is impressive work! Well done on such a long book! :p

Marpatt

Posted by Marpatt 11 days ago

Yeah, just got to the end now.

Holy.

Marpatt

Posted by Marpatt 11 days ago

defiantly has some grammatical errors, but tells a good and cohesive story. With, as you put it "a bunch of vore mixed in there too"
Would've personally wanted more of more of it, but the story does fine without it.

**MILD SPOILER WARNING**

As soon as it got to the museum scene though, the twist became pretty obvious to me. It just didn't make any sense unless the twist was what I was thinking of (which came true)

Other than that, pretty good story. Loved the premise of it, and, especially for such a long story, and a commission at that! the premise it was executed quite well. Everything kind of did have a Chekhov's gun though, which is a good and bad thing.

Keep up the good work

Marpatt

Posted by Marpatt 11 days ago

Speaking of grammatical errors :P If only you could edit comments.

ryanshowseason3

Posted by ryanshowseason3 11 days ago

It's harder to hide this kinda stuff with two characters I'm realizing. There could be other obfuscators I could've used here but yeah I was worried that might become obvious as we went along.

Chekhov's gun is kind of needed, a little of it at least or else it just looks like you pulled stuff out of your ass if it didn't exist before that moment.

And to really drive home Sybil Talus's significance I had to reiterate her a bit to the point of annoyance perhaps.

Marpatt

Posted by Marpatt 10 days ago

To be honest, the things I mentioned were the only real possible critiques that I could come up with on a first read. Which is why they’re kind of flimsy

For something of this scale, it’s really good, even more so for (at least to my knowledge) a first time writing something this long. It was enjoyable, even if some nit picky issues exist.

So, don’t get me wrong, I liked it a lot. Just thought I could share some minor problems I had with it.

ryanshowseason3

Posted by ryanshowseason3 10 days ago

And I'm definitely up for criticism. I'm not sure it's the best thing I ever made in some ways. I think my other story Sculptors of Sagascar was pretty close to this length but came out much better in some ways.

Groblek

Posted by Groblek 10 days ago

Wow, well done! That’s a full-on fun SF story with vore flavoring. I’m impressed. I honestly usually skip your stuff because while good, it’s usually not to my taste, but I’m really glad I read this one.

ryanshowseason3

Posted by ryanshowseason3 10 days ago

Thanks, that means a lot coming from you!

dagar

Posted by dagar 10 days ago

Ive still got alot of reading left but stop making worlds that seem so much more interesting than ours! You keep making me jealous.

Randomnessisbae

Posted by Randomnessisbae 10 days ago

Stories like this are why I love your stuff. Such good world building and story setup! Some stuff was obviously going to happen, but I looked forward to the moment it would.

Seriously wishing I could put this much into my own work sometime.

BigB_Anderson

Posted by BigB_Anderson 10 days ago

Just read the whole thing, it was totally worth it. You've created an amazing story and setting. Don't think I've seen anything like it before! The reboot gave me absolute shivers, it was a great ending!

shortprey20

Posted by shortprey20 10 days ago

Came here for smut, left with a great piece of Science Fiction. Classic

Quicksilvrr

Posted by Quicksilvrr 9 days ago

Haven't finished yet but this is so good, one of your best in my opinion

Quicksilvrr

Posted by Quicksilvrr 9 days ago

Okay finished and this is awesome. The story telling and the characters were good and you gave us clues as to what was going on before it was actually reveiled so we paid more attention to the story. I really hope to do more stories like this, now I am going to sleep it is 4:30am and this took a while

anonymous19999

Posted by anonymous19999 9 days ago

this story is a tragedy because no one who isn't comfortable with vore will ever share how awesome it is

it isn't even that sexy. it almost would hold up without all the vore bits but they help with the setting

i spent hours reading this and visualizing it as an anime which it would be awesome as. but ofc it helps that i can imagine the characters to be more my taste and not get squicked out by someone elses idea of sexy

well done. inspirational. epic.

Onewingedangel

Posted by Onewingedangel 8 days ago

Great story. I read the whole thing for sci fi entertainment. The vore just kinda added to the feel of the story honestly.

happyfuntime

Posted by happyfuntime 5 days ago

This is like a Philip K Dick level story