pidgedouglas - 11 months ago

YOU'RE A TREAT!!! Hecc....

Shambles - 11 months ago

What a cute little dog treat! Oh, my bad, Demob~

tigercloud - 11 months ago

I'm happy you enjoy the Picture, it was fun to draw ♥

Corvum - 1 year ago

precious character, stellar art from your friend and a really nice flavor text.
you do not disappoint at all ^^

RogueKnight - 1 year ago

Nice to see you're still doing well. Your friend is talented as well and I wish them good luck. Good bit of vorny material. Hope you keep at it

OhSevenTen - 1 year ago

The drawing of the foxgirl is suuuuper cute and lovely! I enjoyed the accompanying writing as well. Great stuff!

Donutjunky - 1 year ago

Great writing and excellent art. Give your anonymous artist fren my sincerest compliments and keep up the stellar writing :>

ALBERTY - 2 months ago

love it

Gunga_Galunga - 1 year ago

I can't get enough of that face! It's adorable!

SnekTamerPoms - 1 year ago

So cute!

tigercloud - 1 year ago

Haha ah I see =) Nice comic though!

IceCreamBreak - 1 year ago

Nope! Still about the same, just a tiny bit of differences from artist interpretation!

Corvum - 1 year ago

what a lucky little snack~

tigercloud - 1 year ago

Oh did you changed her design?

IceCreamBreak - 1 year ago

She loves you too~

The Saint of Ravens - 1 year ago

Love that angel brat~

Diversity23 - 1 year ago

Happy Vore Day :D

Seide - 1 year ago

Wooo! More IceCream content ^^

That artist did a great job! My compliments to them

GiGi - 1 year ago

*insert olympic diving gif here*

Crypt1dCrow - 1 year ago

Mmmfgh that mouth is gorgeous. Tell the artist, whoever they are, that they did an AMAZING job!

CaliTea - 1 year ago

The mawshot is amazing and Annalise is gorgeous! The artist did an incredible job ^^

StinkySteve664 - 1 year ago

This is absolutely amazing. It's the perfect way to go, becoming food for someone greater than you

IceCreamBreak - 1 year ago

Seven gold funds her expenses for a few days. Not the worst pay she’d ever received, but for what she found in that cave…

Well, sometimes it’s best to just acquiesce to demands…

As for a good deal, that remains to be seen~

Mechdragon1k - 1 year ago

I guess that why she a ex angel. How unfair a deal did the prey give her.

Also what happens if one gives her a very good deal.

GiGi - 1 year ago

Common Icecreambreak W

Mechdragon1k - 1 year ago

Since she is a demon can she visit the afterlife. I also notice the demoness welcomed someone to hell.

Indighost - 1 year ago

Good writing

IceCreamBreak - 1 year ago

Oh says you! You're the reason it turned out so good!

Gibet - 1 year ago

A wonderful RP, and no surprise either thanks to my amazing partner ~ ❤️

Seide - 2 years ago

Props to The Saint of Ravens for doing a great job ^^

Seide - 2 years ago

All that's missing is the burps, other than that, she looks positively divine~

ChaoskampfNunc - 2 years ago

She's merely... cleansing the person of their sinful flesh. Yeah that's believable

The Saint of Ravens - 2 years ago

Eeeeevil brat~

IceCreamBreak - 2 years ago

I’d love some comments Sehn! Shoot me a message here or on discord!

Sehnsucht - 2 years ago

I really enjoyed this piece. The action and interaction are very vivid and the description is fun to read. Annalise's cruelty jumps off the page and her poor prey... well, nevermind. But her despair is palpable.

I know you take writing seriously. I've got some more detailed comments on style. Would you like a PM with some notes?

Like Seide, consider me invested in reading more :)

Seide - 2 years ago

Really managed to bring out the delightful cruelty in Annalise, and sell the despair of Natasha here. Consider me waiting for more from ya ^^

tigercloud - 2 years ago

Hehe x3 I handle my food nicely, what my tum does is something different~

Keep on writing these cool stories! <3

tigercloud - 2 years ago

Wow thats a very good and detailed story, I especially love how detailed the digestion is and how her stomach contracts to the burp (and in general crushes the prey around!)

lupis95 - 2 years ago

Wow, this was a bit darker than I was expecting but still good!
I agree with the Fairy's final decision, sometimes giving up is less painful.

IceCreamBreak - 2 years ago

Thanks for the compliments! I'm glad to hear I'm improving! I'm doing my best to change up my word choice. Gonna work on varying up sentence structure and make sure I'm not repeating actions.
I like 3rd person omniscient, but honestly didn't put it to too great of a use here. Doing a more limited perspective next time, hopefully its an improvement! I'm getting more and more writing advice, and actually understanding what goes into making a good story.
Thank you so much for your continued advice! I'll try to put it to good use.

RogueKnight - 2 years ago

Wow. You've shown remarkable improvement since you've first started. Even though I'm not really into the torture kind of categories you write about, the prose has gotten much better. The spacing has improved and there are fewer grammatical errors to distract the pacing of the story.

I don't know what causes it, but there is still the occasional weird space in the middle of words: like t his. Also, if you use third person omniscient, I recommend saving perspective changes between paragraphs. I used to have that style as well and people have called out on that habit I had. In practice, altering it would look kinda like this:

"You really mean it?" Gabe was washed with relief at the giantess's words. He'd all but given up hope before now.

"Of course." Hannah lied. She had no intention of letting her tasty snack go. Just imagining seeing that hopeful expression turn to despair made her hornier. And hungrier.

And one more thing, beware of the habit of repetitive starts to sentences. She did this. She then did this other thing. She did the thing but better. And so forth. It's an easy bad habit to succumb to, but being aware of it is the first step to working on it. I like to practice the discipline of trying not to have the same word three times in one paragraph. At the very least, have a different word start occasionally so that its not the same word four times consecutively.

Overall, great job! Keep improving like this and I bet you'll be a natural in no time!

IceCreamBreak - 2 years ago

Heya! Thanks for checking me out again! Yeah I'm not entirely sure what happened with Nila's name. It's written perfectly fine in the original document. Prose is something I'm working on going forwards too. Thanks for the advice!

RogueKnight - 2 years ago

I've been a bit busy, but I've finally gotten around to checking out your other work. If memory serves, most of the feedback I gave in your previous work should still apply. I would point out a curious set of errors on this one. Mainly, for most of the first half, you refer to Nila as N i la. This curious separation then happens to other words in different orders but stops at the last couple of paragraphs. Its difficult to tell, but this may just be you getting used to whatever typing program your using, or maybe just haven't gotten the hang of typing.

Nothing to comment on as far as story structure it looks like. Most of your areas for needed improvement are in the prose. Keep at it and these naturally iron out, especially if your consciously aware of certain habits.

IceCreamBreak - 2 years ago

I really appreciate the compliments! I'm also a sucker for playful preds. I also thought the blocks of text were a bit much, but didn't really get why. I'll play around with some formatting styles and see what I like. Thank you so much for the comment and the follow!

IceCreamBreak - 2 years ago

Thank you so much! Yeah I'm definitely a beginner, the only thing I've really written were essays so I didn't exactly know how to format things. I never really wrote dialogue before either so I wasn't exactly sure on that front either. I'll format my next story with more line breaks and see how that helps pacing. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I really appreciate the advice!

ProbablyNine - 2 years ago

This was a really great read! I especially enjoyed the teasing dynamic between the two characters. I'm a sucker for this kind of playful story lol.
As for feedback, breaking up your paragraphs more can help a lot with general readability. In particular, it's common to break whenever a different character speaks. It's a minor thing, but can do wonders in regards to pacing and dialogue.
That aside, this was really good for a first story! You've got a good description style that's evocative without being overbearing. I'm excited to see what you make in the future.

RogueKnight - 2 years ago

I like this, even though there are many signs of an early writer. The main issue is likely the format of the story. To increase legibility, it helps to separate paragraphs with spaces, including when changing speakers.
"I am talking."
"I know. Now I am talking."
"Shut up."
That sort of thing. If you don't have a clear idea of how to properly implement the format, it will help to do a bit more reading, even if it's other people's fictions. If you want to work on your grammar or aren't good at catching those errors on the fly, try reading aloud. It's an easy method of proofreading those kinds of mistakes. Humans in general are decent at knowing what sounds right or wrong and you may be surprised at how often that can help. Overall I think you're already working on the most important step which is to write what you like. The rest will follow and improve over time. Hope that gave you a bit of insight, best of luck!

IceCreamBreak - 2 years ago

Thank you so much! Yeah I probably should have taken a closer look at the grammar. Dialogue needs a bit of work in my opinion, but my next story is shaping up to be better.